Today I peed on a fan. Which, that maked a pee pee sprinkler alls over the kitchen where Momma beed bakin' sweeties. She hollered, what in the bloody buckets a hell did you done, George! So I were tryin' for to splain what I beed betendin' what the pee pee sprinkler beed a waterfalls an' I were gonna rescue a big fat whale outta the pee pee waterfalls an' I tole her, you coulda beed the whale, Momma, an' I were gonna been George The Hero Boxer Dog... But then Momma jus' sayed, oh, shut-up you idiot. Mine own Momma. Sayed that to her little boy. I's prawly gonna get growed up all crazy like a rabbit-dog now.

There bees a boy at Sunday School what's named Bruce Wong, an' he bees a Samoyed; 'cept for he gots orange hairs on accident. Today he bited Scabby Doyle acause Scabby were teasin' him an' callin' him Ginger. So Scabby goed cryin' at Mrs. Pearson; an' then Bruce goed cryin' at Mrs. Pearson; an' Mrs. Pearson gotted mad on all two of 'em. She sayed, now boys, two wrongs don't not makes a right. Which, I tole Mrs. Pearson what I agrees. An' I sayed this all prawly bees Bruce's Mommy an' Daddy's fault any ole how. They's growed-ups, I sayed, they should a knowed what two wongs don't not makes a white. I jus' don't not unnerstans how come I beed the only one what hadda go sit in the hall again.

Tonight at supper I telled Grammy what I ain't eatin' no hot dogs, only jus' tater-tots acause there bees a gang a bad mens goin' round the deep woods shootin' up doggies for to make hot dogs out of 'em. That might of beed yous cousint what yous cookin' there, Grammy, I sayed. She axed me where the tarnation has I heared such a stupidass thing like that; an' I tole her, Grampy tole me. Then she sayed, ppfft. Well, Bambi beed shooted in the woods, ya know, I tole her. Grammy's mouth spitted up like a sink full a dishes an' she sayed, Bambi ain't no doggie, George! She bees a gal-danged stripper is all! An' you can tell yous Grampy what I'm bees happy for to boil up that skinny-legged dancin' she-devil like a hot dog any ole day. Which, I ain't the only woman gonna wanna done that, neither. So, I'm prawly don't wanna never eat the nother hot dog on my attire life. A least I still loves my tater-tots.
To the moon on back.

Momma tole me, Georgie, gather up some a yous ole toys for to bonate to the Church's Brassiere. Which; I plays with ever single toy all a time all a time. So I axed Momma, how's 'bout givin' the Church's Brassiere this ugly ole sweater astead? It bees Bazaar, she sayed.  An' I sayed, well it for definite bees ugly; I ain't so sure 'bout Bizarre. No, George, Momma sayed, the Church's Bazaar! Well I couldn't not believe in my ears. An' I tole Momma, too. I sayed why ya gonna go 'round givin' away ugly ole stuff for to be nice an' then be callin' names on the same time? I has never heared the Church callin' you no names.

I hadda tole Momma what I ain't doin' no chores today acause Mrs. Pearson sayed what Sunday bees apposed a be a day a rest. Even God bees restin', I tole her. She up an' sended me to bed. An' she were sayin', ooo, ooo, you must of bees sooo tired, all like a smart pants. Which, that were rude at God's own idea. I thinks what she better be careful 'bout a ball a thunder 'n lightenin' gonna pop up an' stripe her dead. 'Cept for God bees restin' today. She prawly oughta bring a umbrella to work with her tomorrow.

I goed Trick or Treatin' tonight with Clive an' Velma an' it beed the funnest fun ever; 'cept for the terrible part. I beed Count Bracula, an' I were tellin' everbody, I vanna drink up yous blood; an' then they gived me candy! Which, that beed the fun part. Stupid Velma beed the terrible part. Firsty, she hadda go an' been The Bride A Bracula. (Like as if I's ever gonna marry my own cousint.) An' she keeped on sayin', oh, Georgie, does ya wants my candy kisses? I finally hadda tole her, shut-up you ugly thing; for to make her stop. Then I hadda give her three chocolate bars an' a can a pop so's she don't tell on me. But I gots a plan for next Halloween already. I's jus' gonna dress up like Momma, so prawly nobody gonna wanna marry me! I hadda give Momma FIVE chocolate bars after I telled her that. A least I keeped my last nother can a pop.

I hadda taught Momma a lesson today acause she has beed actin' like a smart pants at the park. Snappin' she's fingers an' 'spectin' what I's gonna sit 'n stay, or come 'n go... She prawly thinks what she bees some kinda Magical Blizzard or somethin'. So when we goed out today an' she snapped on me; I thunk, okay, Momma. Ya wanna bees magical? Then I distappeared. She were snappin' like a glamingo dancer, lookin' hither an' tither; atill I besided for to come back. Momma been so worried,  she sayed, Georgie, please don't never distappear like that again! So I tole her, Momma, ya gottsa quit snappin' on me. It bees bareassin'. Ya gottsa treat me like a spectacle human bean. An' she sayed, okay, Georgie. When it were time to go I tole her, you can drive, Momma; I's jus' gonna sit in the back. Now she bees all happy again.

Momma never goed to work today. She called in dirty. An' she sayed what it beed all on my fault; 'cept that ain't even true. Weren't not me what leaved all a her clean laundries on the table. A course I thunk it were a snack. Look at what you done, George, she screamed on me. You has tore up all a my clean bras! Which, I never knowed what a flopper stopper bees a bra. I all a time thunk what a flopper stopper only jus' bees a flopper stopper. Even Momma sayed, I can't not go to work floppin' alls over hell's half-acre now, can I? An' she axed me all mad-like does I gots any ideas 'bout how bareassin' it bees for to hafta call in dirty at work. My only idea beed what she prawly shoulda called in floppy, astead.  I's grounded.

Mrs. Pearson maked everbody do a new pray at Sunday School today. We hadda shake a paw with our neighbour an' tell 'em, Go In Peace; else, Peace Be With You. So Clive shaked hims paw on me an' tole me, PISS be with you, neighbour; an' he were talkin' all farm-boyish. Which, I thunk that beed sooo funny; I besided for to tell my neighbour Scabby, Go 'An Piss Up A Tree, why don't ya? 'Cept Mrs. Pearson beed walkin' 'round listenin' on all a childrens. An' my paw gotted stucked up her dress when I were reachin' for my neighbour. Mr. George! She yelled on me. Prayin' at The Lord ain't no cause for to make a deesgustin' joke. I woulda telled her what I beed talkin' to Scabby, not The Lord; but I couldn't not look on her. On account a I jus' seed her undiewears. I thinks what prawly that beed my punishment from God already; but I jus' goed out an' sitted in the hallway any ole how.

Clive letted me be hims best friend for a minute today acause he beed mad on Scabby for eatin' the Frisbee when he were only jus' apposed a catch it, is all. Clive sayed now what we bees best friends, prawly I oughta help him for to buy a new Frisbee. Which, I don't gots no money. But he tole me what Pizza Belibery Boys makes a lot a lot a moneys. So I axed Momma can she cook up some pizzas an' gimme the car keys; an' she sayed, don't not be so stupid, George. So now guess what? I losed my best friend an' my job all on the same time. This have not beed a very good day.

Today I gotted gussied up for to sure show that Clive an' Scabby Doyle what I ain't no idiot like they's all a time sayin'. But when I telled them I has beed beclared the  Number One Boxer Boy of East Windsor of The World... They laughed on me. Then they called me liar liar pants on fire. But I didn't not care, acause I were betendin' they was ducks. Which, Grampy telled me that trick. So I jus' only heared; quackity quack, duck, duck, in my brains; atill they sayed what my nose bees like a telephone wire. Then all a my duck thinkin' runned outta my mouth an' I tole 'em: Clive an' Scabby, yous bees ducks. An' yous noses is as big as F***. Plus, yous pants is too long. Momma prawly's gonna wanna kill me when she finds out 'bout this. 'Cept for, I's gonna bemind her 'bout I bees the Number One Boxer Boy. Prawly gonna keep my hat on for a couple or a few days.

I were beggin' Momma today for to please, please, git me some bracelets on my teeths; acause all a girls at Obee Dance School has beed teasin' me 'bout Georgie Peorgie kissin' the girls an' makin' 'em cry.  They was sayin' all a girls is gonna cry acause my alligator teeths is gonna stick up thems nose when I kisses 'em. Momma sayed, oh, Georgie, they ain't no such thing like bracelets for doggie teeths. She tole me, don't not listen on them silly girls, Georgie. You is a handsome boxer boy. You's always gonna has Momma here for to kiss you. Which, that jus' feels like deesgusstin'. But I never sayed nothin'; acause prawly Momma gonna cry if she knowed that. An' I's tryin' very hard for to stop kissin' on girls an' makin' 'em cry.

Grampy hadda come an' git me at Sunday School today acause Momma bees feeded up with my shenanigans, an' Mrs. Pearson were all mad acause I keeped on callin' her Mrs. P. Which, that maked everbody laugh they's faces off an' call her Mrs. Peepee; an' she thunk it were all my fault even know I only sayed one pee. But Grampy weren't mad on me what so all. He sayed, oh, I done worser 'n that, Georgie. I axed him, what did ya done, Grampy? An' he tole me 'bout one time he hadded a dance with a bearded lady acause he feeled sorry for her; an' it turned out she beed a lumberjack in a dress. Seem  to me what that gotted nothin' to do with Mrs. Peepee; but then Grampy buyed me a donut an' tole me, go home an' act like I gived you what-for. An' don't tell nobody 'bout me dancin' with Leonard the Lumberjack, neither. So I ain't never sayin' nothin' 'bout that.

Grammy Bob gotted all poodled up for to go out dancin' tonight, an' she axed me, does I looks drop-dead gorgeous, George? I were thinkin', well, I'm rather be dead astead a dancin' with the looks a that. But I never sayed nothin'. Then Grammy axed me, why is ya lookin' on me like I's from outta space? Stop that! So I tried a smile, an' she tole me, git that smirk offa yous face. So then I tried on a snarly-face, an' Grammy gotted real quite. Forout even movin' her mouth she sayed all snakey-like, you better wipe yous face right offa yous face, young man. Or else! Which, I prawly can't not even do that.  I jus' hopes on heaven what some poor fella axes her for to dance tonight.

Grammy beed squawkin' like a ole bird on me all mornin', git, git, git. Git on outside an' play, George. So I goed at the park, an' guess what? I maked a new friend whats a donkey called Daisy. Which, I gots no clue how come a donkey were at my park; but I axed her, does ya wanna come over to my house an' watch TV? Acause she were too big for the slides an' swings. So that beed what we done. Atill Grammy gotted home from the beer shop, that is. She hollered on us, I thunk I tole you for to git on outside, George! Now git that fat ass offa the couch! Daisy right away started hee-haw bawlin' acause a Grammy callin' her fat. But Grammy tole her, you must of bees a silly ass, girl; I is talkin' 'bout George's fat ass. Well. I doesn't thinks what my ass bees so fat. My tail prawly jus' bees a little too small for it, is all. Somebody chopped it off forout even axein'.

Momma sploded mad on me today; an' I hardly even done nothin' wrong. 'Cept for I eated her pork chops what was under-freezin' in the kitchen sink. But that beed a accident. I jus' thunk what Momma leaved me a snack, is all. She screamed, not nobody never messes with Momma's food, George! You better watch out what I doesn't wanna shoulda make a rug outta you! I jus' beed actin' all sorry, lookin' down on my feets; an' guess what I seed? A zebra rug. Right underneath a my feets. Which, I thunk, maybe I bees standin' on George the Zebra right now. An' prawly George the Zebra eated some a Momma's food afore he gotted maked into a rug. So I is betendin' I is a rug now. An' I ain't gettin' up atill Momma finds somethin' else to chomp on.

 

 

I has beed havin' troubles with my Momma, acause she all a time bees drinkin' outta my drink. Which, that bees deesgustin'. But she jus' goes, oh, so sorry. I never seed yous name on it, George. Like a smart pants. Well, I bees a even smarter pants than her, now; acause I gots a drink what DO has my name on it. So I's gonna tole Momma, oh, so sorry, but that bees a George drink. If you is really firsty, you can have some water outta my bowl! I loves my George Coke so darn-tootin'  much what I prawly ain't never gonna drink it neither!

They ain't no Obee Dance School in the summertime, so Momma goed an' signed me up for some nother classes what's apposed a belax me so's I don't bees such a moron. They's called Yoghurt Class; an' when Momma maked me put on my Yoghurt Uniform what fits like a banana skin; I tole her, well, I ain't goin'. But she sayed, ya you is. An' then I goed. Everbody were learnin' for to breathe, an' stretch, an' belax; an' guess what? When Scabby Doyle beed callin' me a ballerina on my way home; I weren't even mad! I jus' belaxed, an' taked a big breath, an' then I downward doggied right on hims fat stupid head atill he cried an' I maked him call me Uncle George. Now I's gonna practice practice very all a time atill I gits my black belt in Yoghurt. Then if Scabby wannas be mean on me again, I's prawly gonna make him call me Auntie George!

Today has beed the King Kong worstest day what I has ever haved. An' it bees all on Momma's fault. She tole me, I gots a greatest surprise for you, Georgie; you is goin' to the Beauty Saloon! Which, it weren't no saloon fulla beautiful girls what so all. 'Jus a big-haired man-woman sloppin' aroun' an' sprayin' me an' scrubbin' me; an' then she sayed, let's git at that bum, George. I never beed treated so rude in my tire life. Momma says what I smells like flowers now; an' she bees all incited acause she gonna go at the Beauty Saloon next week. I prawly never knowed afore what ever time Momma gits her hair did, she gots a stranger scrubbin' at her bum. That jus' don't seems right.

Momma don't never lets me goin' out by myself acause she all a time says what I bees too young. So today I thunk, well, I is gonna trick Momma then; an' I gussied up like a ole lady. A ole China lady, even. When Momma sayed, George, what is you doin' lookin' so reedickilous? I tole her, I doesn't knows no George, Momma. I bees China Lilly; goin' for a walk. But Momma sayed, George, you take that nonsense offa yous foolish head. You ain't goin' nowhere. Clive figures what Momma prawly seed what I were walkin' on four a my legs. Skin peoples only walks on theys back legs, he sayed. I prawly coulda gotted past Momma if them skin folks woulda quit theys fancy steppin' an' walk proper like the rest a us.

I thinks what Momma needs a new watch acause Grampy tole me, prawly yous Momma gots her Time Troubles today, Georgie. That bees how come she bees actin' all crazy. Firsty, she gived me Alphabet Soup for lunch. Which, who gonna wanna do readin' when theys hungry? An' then she were all yakity-yak on the phone; an' when I only tried a axe her somethin', she sayed, jus' mind you's P's an' Q's, George. So I picked 'em all outta the soup for her, an' then she goed an' hollered, Mister George! What did you done? You's apposed a be a doggy; not a pig! So I jus' eated up the rest a my soup forout even readin' it. But I hopes what I eated it in the right order so when I makes my poop; it gonnas spell: MOMMA BEES A GRUM. I'm rather poop out grump, 'cept for Momma the Grum maked me take out all the P's.

After supper tonight, Momma beed playin' a new game called Bigsaw Puzzle, an' she were clickety-clickin' all kind a little bits alls over the table. I never knowed 'bout Bigsaw Puzzlein' afore; an' I thunk what all a them clickers was treats. So I sneaked up on Momma an' I eated a piece a her Bigsaw Puzzle. On accident. Then she hollered on me, George! You has goed an' wrecked my puzzle now! Which, it already beed broke when she buyed it. I tole her that, too. I sayed, Momma, I can't not broke somethin' what already bees broke in the box. Why ya wanna go an' buy a broke bigsaw anyhows? Ya prawly shoulda got mad on the store, not me, Momma. Then guess what? Momma couldn't not even say nothin'! Prawly she figured out she jus' beed talkin' foolish.

Today Uncle Vern an' Aunt Spot taked all a us kids at the beach, an' I seed the most beautifullest girl what have ever beed borned. Everbody's eyes was sticked on her an' her green bikini. Even Aunt Spot sayed, I wishes what I looks like that in a bikini. Then Uncle Vern sayed, me too! I thunk that beed weird, what Uncle Vern gonna wanna wear a green bikini. But next I knowed, Aunt Spot were screamin', an' Uncle Vern beed runnin'; then Uncle Vern were screamin', STOP, SPOT! I CAN'T NOT SWIM I CAN'T NOT SWIM! Momma sayed, I heared what you seed quite a display at the beach today, Georgie. I tole her, oh, no, Momma, weren't nobody playin' what so all. Uncle Vern pretty near drownded. The she sayed, oh, George, you bees so funny! Which, I weren't not even tryin'. Ha!

Clive comed over today an' he teached me a new trick what everbody bees doin' called Shelfies. It bees a easy trick; all's ya does is, ya gits yous Momma's camera, an' then ya takes pictures a yous own self. That bees it! I thunk my pictures beed very good, but when Momma seed 'em, she sayed, Georgie, what did you did? Momma's camera ain't not a toy, young man. Then she gived me a coconut bikini an' tole me, go put this on an' let Momma take some GOOD pictures. Well, I were so mad on her, I tole her, hows 'bout you put that thing on yous self an' make a shelfie; acause I ain't doin' it. So she done it. I don't never wanna see nothin' like that again. I'm rather boil my eyeballs an' make George-Eye soup! Don't worry, know. I beleted 'em. So now everbody gits a see my shelfies!

At Sunday School today we was singin' 'bout Jesus lovin' me this I knows; an' I hadda stood beside a Mary Ellen Bloody Hound. Which, that beed awful, acause she were soundin' like Grampy blowin' hims nose. So I jus' singed louder 'n louder for to make sure what Jesus gonna hear me. Then Mrs. Pearson axed me does I thinks what Jesus wanna got yelled at like that? I sayed, no, M'am; but prawly He don't wanna hear Mary Ellen honkin' like that, neither. So we both of us hadda whisper-sing after that. An' guess what? I heared Jesus say, thanks you, George. Right inside a my ear! That song must of  bees right. Jesus do loves me! Not so much Mary Ellen, though. He tole me that, too.

I never even knowed what Grampy never even knowed what I bees left-pawed atill he seed me eatin' dinner tonight. He axed me how come I beed holdin' my bowl with my left paw, an' I sayed, acause I bees left-pawed, Grampy. Then Grampy sayed, tsk, tsk. You bemind me 'bout a fella name a Lefty Goggins. He losed hims right paw in a accident. One day Lefty besided for to hitch-hiker hisself to the beach, an' that were the last what anybody has ever seed a Lefty. He never thunk 'bout he could only hitch-hiker one way. He didn't got a paw for to turn 'round an' hitch back home. He prawly bees somewheres in China, still tryin' for to git a ride home right now, Georgie. I tole Grampy, well, a least I still gots all a my paws, Grampy. I jus' bees left-pawed like Momma. Then Momma sayed, I ain't left-pawed, George. An' I sayed, ya, you is. Grampy tole me. He sayed what you dance like ya gots two left paws. Now nobody bees gettin' dessert tonight. All acause a some Lefty Goggins fella what I doesn't even care 'bout. Great.

So me an' Momma was jus' mindin' my own business, havin' a nice sunshiney walk today; an' jus' like that, it all goed to hickory sticks. That crabby apple Mrs. Allen runned outta her house like as if her socks was on fire, screamin' like Grampy's kettle. Git offa my grass, you hairy, droopy-face mutt! Which, that beed rude. So I hollered back on her, does ya gots raisins in yous eye holes? Acause my Momma weren't even on her grass. Then Momma tugged on her leash so hard what I almost choked to deaf. An' she beed chokin' me to deaf all a ways home, too. I gots no ideas how come she bees so mad on me; I jus' sticked up for her, is all. But that ain't the worst thing, neither. I hadda done a lot a lot a walkin' for to train Momma not to pull on her leash; an' now I gots a do it all over again. All acause a that crabby apple.

Today have maybe prawly beed my last day at Mrs. Pearson's Sunday School acause I were betendin' I beed a Angel an' I jumped offa my desk on accident for to fly away. Mrs. Pearson sayed, what in carnations bees wrong with you, George? I tole her, I needs forgiveness, Mrs. Pearson, acause that beed the lesson today. Then she sayed, no George, you needs a Head Shrinker! I couldn't not believe in my ears! Everbody knows what a Head Shrinker bees... BOO DOO! I's pretty sure what when Momma hears 'bout this, she gonna say, Mrs. Pearson, you ain't not loud for to teach my little Georgie none a yous bing bang Boo Doo no more.

Today I goed at a special school whats called Arse 'n Craffs; an' I maked a picture a Momma. On first I thunk what she loved it acause she gived me a big hug. 'Cept then she sayed, oh, Georgie, you bees my very own Picasso! Which, I has never heared 'bout callin' a fella a Pink Asshole an' 'spectin' for to hug him on the same time. I only jus' sayed, well, Happy Momma's Day, Momma. But inside a my head I thunk, snow wonders what ya never gottsa a boyfriend if that bees the way ya gonna bees when ya gits a nice present.

Mrs. Pearson beed teachin' us 'bout faith at Sunday School today. She sayed what Jesus used of all a time fix fellas an' tole 'em, git up an' go home now, yous ain't crippley no more; jus' don't not tole nobody what I done. Mrs. Pearson sayed what Jesus sayed what if ya believes what you bees a mustard seed, then you can make miracles too! So I hadda try it out at recess acause Scabby Doyle cracked hims head on my baseball bat an'  knocked hisself out. I thunk, mustard, mustard, I is mustard... an' I tole Scabby, git on up, Scabby, you bees fine. An' don't be tellin' nobody what I done, neither. 'Cept we hadda call the yambylance an' Scabby gotted sewed up like a teddy bear. Prawly I weren't really believin' what I beed mustard. I thinks it woulda beed better if Jesus gonna make ketchup magic astead. I prawly coulda beed ketchup.

Me an' Momma hadded very fun this mornin' huntin' for eggs what the Easter Rabbit hided last night when we was sleepin'. Momma keeped on sayin', put yous eggs in the basket, Georgie; don't not eat 'em all on once. An' I were tryin'; 'cept for my mouth keeped gettin' in the way. Momma tole me, you is gonna rot yous teeths right outta yous face, George. I jus' thunk what that were foolish talk. But after we was done huntin' an' Momma seed what my basket beed empty, she sayed, Georgie! What did you done? I gived Momma my cute-boy smile an' then she screamed. Now I is mad as holy heck at that Easter Rabbit. I gottsa git a hold a the Tooth Fairy right away quick. Prawly he gonnas be able a fix this Easter Rabbit mess.

 

Clive an' Scabby comed over for supper tonight, an' Momma gone an' beed bareassin' me the whole attired time. She were sayin' sweetie-pie this, an' honey-bunny that, an' tryin' a scritch my ears an' kiss my nose... it beed deesgustin. I thunk what Clive an' Scabby prawly thunk, what a sissy kissy Momma's boy that George bees! So when Momma axed me for to take out the garbage after supper, I tole her, you cooked it, you take it out! I were only betendin'; but Momma taked it way so serious. She tole Clive an' Scabby, yous boys better stop that laughin' right now. Then she sayed, an' you git to you's room, Smart Alex! Which, I never even knewed what that beed me; 'cept then she whacked me on my head with a spoon. So I goed. I never knewed I hadded a middle name afore. I's gonna hafta axe Momma 'bout that. But prawly not tonight.

Grampy comed home lookin' all spiffy today, so I axed him, how come you's wearin' that big-girl blouse, Grampy? Did ya got a job? He tole me no, he jus' wented to see Madame Mystique The Paw Reader. I were wonderin' who the haystack has beed writin' notes on Grampy's feets; but he splained what a Paw Reader bees kinda like a talkin' fortune cookie. Grampy only jus' goed for to to find out if Grammy evers gonna come back to him. But when I gotted inside her tent, Georgie, he sayed, that Madame Mystique were the prettiest smellin' bitch I has ever sniffed. I forgetted 'bout Grammy an' I axed her does ya wanna bees my future wife? She tole me, you is gonna git outta here right now! Then she ringed a bell an' a big bald fella comed in the tent an' I gotted outta there right smart. I sayed, so, she really done sawed the future, huh, Grampy? Yup. That bees alls he hadda say 'bout that.

Today at Sunday School Mrs. Pearson beed teachin' us what ya all a time gots a be kind on ever peoples ya meets acause maybe one a them peoples really bees a Angel. All on a sudden my brains started cracklin' like Mice Krispies. I bemembered 'bout how come I never drownded to deaf that time what Clive pushed me outta the boat. An' how come I hasn't never beed runned over by a bus even know I runs on the road ever sometimes. An', when Mr. Brown beed chasin' me outta hims garbage; he felled down, but I jus' flewed away... LIKE A ANGEL! So I tole Mrs. Pearson, I thinks what I must of bees one a them Angels what nobody knows they's a Angel, Mrs. Pearson. On first, I thunk she beed gonna cry from seein' a Angel, acause her mouth gotted all twisted up. But then she busted up laughin' jus' like crazy ole Mrs. Linkbom done when the yambylance carted her off. Then alla kids was laughin', too. Which, that weren't kind what so all. They all prawly better watch they's nuts 'n bolts. When all the nother Angels hears 'bout this; theys no tellin' what a flock a mad Angels gonna git up to.

MISSUS MOMMA

Ever night me an' Momma watches TV. An' ever night I never gets a see nothin' what I loves. Like; I loves The Marica Nidol. But Momma all a time bees sayin'  oh, no, Georgie, my Grayson Attamee bees on now. Then she wannas has me cuddle on her. Else she gottsa stick her feets all over me. So today I besided, not no more a that, Missus Momma. I maked me a footie fence so Momma gottsa keeps her feets on her own self. An' if she wannas rub my belly she prawlys gonna got a sliver astead. Then if Momma axes me how come you have maked a footie fence, Georgie? I's gonna tole her 'bout she gottsa stop actin' like as if she owns me.

GONE BANANAS

Grampy maked a big fight with me today jus' acause I were bein' The Banana Man. He sayed, firsty, Georgie, ya ain't apposed a play with food. An' for the nother thing, ya looks foolish with them bananas on yous head. So I tole him, I isn't playin', Grampy. I bees The Banana Man. An' then I done some a my banana talk on him. Has ya ever banana train, Grampy? Banana play some cards? Banana buy a banana? Grampy beed so mad he tried a chomp my ear, but he gotted a banana astead. So I tole him, that bees twenty cents, please. Banana buy two for a dollar? Which, maybe I oughta gived him three for a dollar; acause he charged on me, an' now there bees furs an' bananas alls over the livin' room. Momma gonnas kill me. Prawly she won't not believe what it ain't my fault what Grampy goed bananas.

SOMETHIN' WRONG

Somethin' beed wrong with Momma today. Alls on a sudden she gotted to huggin' on me real hard. Like as if she gonnas fell outta the tree or somethin'. Then she sayed, thanks you, Georgie. An' I sayed, huh? Oh, jus' thanks you for bein' you, is all. Which, I thunk, a course I is me. Then I thunk, do I bees wearin' a disguise? All a whole time Momma beed starin' on me like she wannas eat me for dinner. Then I thunk, if she only jus' knows what I bees me right now.... Who the Christmas Cripes do she thunk she beed sleepin' with last night? I is sleepin' on the floor tonight. Prawly at the front door. Prawly I's gonna stay there atill she gots that creepy look outta she's face.

TIT FOR TAT

Me an' Momma hadded a tit-for-tat fight today acause I is sick to deaf 'bout my feets gots salt stains on 'em all a time an' Momma won't not buy me no boots acause I eated my nother ones. Which, them boots beed too small anyhows. So I tole Momma, fine, well I ain't takin' you for no more walks, then. An' she sayed, good. How's 'bout you jus' git to bed, smarty-pants. An' I sayed, good. Prawly I's gonna poop on yous pillow. Then Momma's face sploded an' she hollered, GITABEDNOW! So I up an' gotted gone alright. I figures what Momma really bees so mad acause she's tits ain't near as good as my tats. I winned.

Yesterday a big bully whats called Morty Rottenweiller tole me, you ain't no boxer dog George,  you must of bees a mon-go-loid. 'An then everbody beed laughin' on me. I sayed I is too a boxer dog. But Morty sayed what real boxers all a time gots cauliflower ears 'an my ears looks like socks so I ain't not no kinda boxer. So I sure showed that bad breath bully somethin' today. I maked mine own cauliflower ears 'an I marched right up on him 'an I axed him, does ya still wanna says what I's a marigold, tough guy? Morty only jus' sayed, you is a idiot, George. If only I didn't not been so ascared a him I woulda gonna show him what kinda marigold idiot he bees talkin' to.

 I hadda tole Momma a lie today an' this bees how come: I has beed learnin' for to blow bubbles outta bubblegum. I were doin' pretty very good. Atill I beed blowin' bubbles in bed an' then I felled asleep on accident an' when I waked up my head beed stucked on the pillow. Momma keeped axin me, George, how come you is carryin' my pillow alls 'round?

 I keeped sayin', I is tired today, Momma. Else she gonna kill me. Finally I gotted braved up an'I jus' stepped on that pillow an' teared my head right offa it. 'Cept most a my ear stayed stucked on the pillow. Looks like a mouse bees takin' a nap.  But I is jus' gonna tell Momma, betcha never seed a boxer boy what can blow bubbles afore, right? Then she prawlys gonna kill me to deaf any ole hows.

I meeted Scabby Doyle when we was walkin' to Sunday School today an' I axed him, how come you is all shinied up an' smellin' so nice, Scabby?  He sayed he sneaked hims big brother's Barkey Boy Beef Stew odorant an' gelled hims hairs acause he bees gonna meet hims Love Dove after church. Scabby has beed betendin for to be a handsome man at the Plenty O Pups. But what if yous love dove bees a ugly sack a stink, Scabby? He sayed, she gonna has red flowers in her hairs, Georgie. My Gladys bees beautiful an' I loves her. I sayed, did you said Glad Ass? But then we goed inside. An' guess what? Mrs. Pearson beed all shinied up. She hadded RED FLOWERS sticked in her hair. Scabby throwed up in hims mouth. I laughed so bad what I peed. Prawly Scabby gonna wanna be nice to me for a good long time.  

At Obee Dance School Mrs. Barker has beed teachin' us for to come here when she whistles. I done very good, too; 'cept for now I gots a big problem. There bees

a birdie livin' on my head. Ever time what the birdie beed whistlin'; I been runnin' alls over this way then the nother tryin' for to come here. I never even knowed 'bout the birdie atill Clive sayed, hey Georgie ya gots a  birdie on yous head. Which, that bees okay. But I is gettin' in trouble at school acause I don't come here no more acause I never knows who bees doin' the whistlin'. An' all a kids is comin' here on me all a time when my head bees whistlin'. Mrs. Barker sayed she ain't happy on me now. Prawly Momma gonna be mad,  too. I ain't apposed a has a pet. Weren't my fault.

Today at Sunday School Mrs. Pearson beed teachin' us 'bout there used of beed sick peoples what was called leopards a long time ago when Jesus were just a fella. An' everbody beed mean on them leopards an' tole 'em, yous git outta here, acause they was so catchy. 'Cept for Jesus weren't mean. He goed 'round fulla miracles an' tole 'em go on home sonny, you is all better now. We besided for to play Jesus 'n the Leopards at recess, an' Clive sayed, Georgie, you looks like a good Jesus. Scabby Doyle hadda beed the leopard. So I were walkin' all floaty holy crossed the yard for to save Scabby an' next I knowed, them boys beed poundin' me with snowballs. An' they was laughin. At Jesus. I were screamin', yous is gonna GO TO HELL! That bees right when Mrs. Pearson tugged on my ear an' sayed what she bees gonna tole Momma what I were cussin' on Clive. Which, that maked me laugh. A course Momma already knows what me 'n Clive bees cousins!

Today has beed the boriest day on my whole tire life. This bees what happened: Nothin'. Momma curlied her hairs all up like as if she wannas go
out 'n has some fun; an' then she only jus' flopped aroun' on the couch all day readin' her stupid ole book.  C'mon Momma, I tole her, how's 'bout I takes ya for a nice walk? Not now Georgie, she sayed. Well, does ya wanna go fetch? I axed her. Not now, sweetie. So I sayed, could ya least make me a peanut butter 'n pyjama samwich then? NOT NOW GEORGIE! I IS READIN'! I is still waitin' for my samwich. Prawly I might even starve to deaf. Books bees bad for boxer boys.