6 FLOWER NAMES WHAT MAKES A RUDE SENTENCE TOGETHER

AND THEN I USES THEM IN A RUDE SENTENCE

1. Cockscorn
2. Scabiosa
3. Mum
4. Snapdragon
5. Sweet Pea
6. Star Gazer Lily

 

STAR GAZER LILY sayed, come 'ere, SWEET PEA; but I tole her if you thinks you is gonna get that SCABIOSA SNAPDRAGON a yours anywheres near my COCKSCORN, I's tellin' your MUM.

So I eated Momma's bedspread today and now it bees my bedspread acause I wrecked it so bad. I tole Momma it beed a accident, but she just kept sayin', GIT, GEORGE, GIT! And all's I been doin' was tryin' to help her pick up alla white stuff. Then she sayed, oh, George, why you gotta be such a MORON. Which, that was very wrong a her to say that. I ain't a moron. I's a Boxer. She even bees the one what tole me that. Now I gots to hopes I gets a new blanket for Christmas.

I beed kidnapped today. True. I just been havin' a nice little jaunt when I seed a man what looked like Police, and he beed callin', Here, Pooch! Here, Pooch! So I comed here acause I thunk I could help him find Pooch. Afore I knowed who's what, I beed flinged into the back of a van, and the bad man sayed, don't worry, boy, I's with the Human Society; we's gonna find your Momma. Lie. Momma weren't even lost, she beed sleepin'. He took me to his clubhouse what had all kinda kidnap animals locked up like a jail. Momma only sayed, fifty dollars bees a lotta money, George. (I guess she paid the ransom.) I doesn't know why she gots to be mad. She oughta call the real Police on them kidnappers. And somebody needs to warn Pooch real quick; he bees the one they's lookin'for.

Hell-o. I-bees-George-the-ro-bot-box-er-dog. Mo-mma-bees-mad-to-me-a-cause-I-used-up-all-a-tin-foil. Which-that-weren't-not-a-waste. She-sayed-sit-down-you-bad-boy. But-ev-er-since-I-beed-a-ro-bot-I-can't-sit-no-more-a-cause-my-legs-won't-fold-up. Mo-mma-sayed-this-don't-be-fun-ny-what-so-all-George. I-thunk-it-beed.

2 SETS A POETISH WORDS WHAT GOES TOGETHER

VERY NICE

AND THEN I USES THEM ALL IN ONE SENTENCE

1. Frumpy and Grumpy
2. Limpy and Gimpy

 

I sayed, hey Clive, look on that FRUMPY GRUMPY GIMPY ole girl walkin' LIMPY LIMPY over there; and Clive bited me acause it beed his Momma.

Ever sometimes Momma does broomin' on me and she brushes my furs all shiny smart. She says it belaxes me. 'Cept for today she brung out a baby broom and sticked it in my mouth and beed scratchin' away on my teeths. Which, that weren't belaxing at all. And, plus, my teeths ain't itchy. Hold still, George, she sayed, or else yous teeths is all gonna fall out like Grammy's done. Does you wannna hafta keep yous teeths in a water dish, too? I thunk that might not be so bad. A least she could broom on 'em any ole time and leave me alone.

Guess what I made Momma soo happy today acause she sayed, come, Georgie; and I comed right away smart, just like that! Her face blowed up all smiley and then she sayed, well, Georgie, roll me in sugar and call me a Jelly-Tot. Which, that bees disgustin'. Why in carnation would anybody wanna roll my big ole Momma in sugar for? And Jelly-Tots bees little dots. I been shakin' and shakin' my head tryin' to get these horrible pictures to fall out; but they's sticked in there real good. I's prawly gonna have nightmares tonight.

I tole Momma today what I wants to pierce my nipples, and she sayed that the Lord didn't give me no nipples for to be pokin' holes in 'em. But I tole her what the Lord sayed He don't mind when I beed dreamin' on Him last night. Momma sayed that she would lace me up like a hockey skate and tie me to a  stop sign if I beed stickin' any rings in my nipples. She sayed the Lord tole her she could. Which, I doubts that; but she would prawly do it anyhow.

So at Sunday School today, Mrs. Pearson hadda pair of underwears sticked on the sleeve of her sweater and everybody didn't wanna tell her. 'Cept when she been cleanin' the blackboard, I sayed, let me help you with that, Mrs. Pearson, I sees you gots a bum arm. Then alla kids laughed and laughed and I hadda go in the hall. Which, I weren't the one what beed dressed so rude.

So today, Dora the Explorer teached me that in Spanish, my name is WHORE-HEY. I likes the sound that makes. If I beed livin' somewhere's Spanishy, I could say to a cute curly-headed Spanish bitch; Whore-Hey at your service! I been thinkin' on that all day; and Momma keeps on askin'me, what's you all grinny about, George? And I just says, oh, nada.

So today I discovered what I gots amazin' gifty powers what means I's Psychotic. I all the time knows what Momma's gonna say afore she even says it. Like today, when I licked her tuna sandwich on accident... a magical thing happened. Momma's lips was movin', but I been sayin' all the words, too. George, don't do that! Git down! Then we sayed, don't be smart with me, young man. STOP IT! Then I sayed by myself, I ain't smart, Momma, I bees Psychotic! Then we sayed, go to your room. Now I gots a big feelin' that tomorrow's gonna be partly cloudy with a chance of rain.

I gots a monster in my closet what sneakers around with shiny eyes and ascares me all the nights. So I maked a very good trap on him with 1 sweater, 3 a Momma's shoes, 1 teared up pillow, and very lotsa hangers. But Momma goed and wrecked it acause she beed catched astead of the monster. She yelled, hells bells and buckets of blood, George! What in the earth was ya doin? So I tole her what was I doin, and she sayed theys no monster in there acause she ain't never seen no monster. I thunk; I ain't never seen Momma workin', but that don't means she don't do it ever sometime. But I never sayed which I thunk acause she beed tangled up in that trap pretty good.

Today I beed a airplane driver so I hadda put Momma's laundry in the garbage acause I needed the basket for to be my magic plane. When Momma goed to puttin' out the garbage she maked a hairy-face scream on me what I never heared afore. My ears shrinked. George! She sayed, what do I gots to do, duck tape you to the floor to keep you outta trouble? After I landed my plane and she beed quiet; I just only thunk Momma's prawly gonna hafta get a lot a lot a ducks to stuck me on the floor.

Ever week Momma brings home a present for me. She says, come here, Georgie, I gots a surprise for you; and I all a time bees hopin' for a hockey puck or a fat rubber Spiderman what I can chew on. Today she brung home a bow. I sayed, Momma, that bees a bow for a bitches hair, and she sayed, me mind my mouth young man. You leave that on and go wash your paws for dinner. You looks nice. I's gonna hafta eat this bow when she ain't lookin'.

DEAR GEORGE

HELPERS FOR MAKIN' BETTER PETS

OUTTA OUR PEOPLES

 

Dear George,

I can't believe that I am writing you, but I am at my wit's end with my Mister. He is constantly smooching on me. He has a bushy mustache that is smelly and tastes terrible and sticks into my nostrils. I don' t mind the occaisional show of affection, but he is unreasonably demanding and constantly invading my personal space. Help! How can I change this most annoying behaviour?

Poodle Pete

 

Dear Pete,

I knows just how you feels, acause my Momma's mustache is no bowl a candy, neither. But yous troubles is over, my friend! I fixed my Momma's all a time kissiness in 'bout two days. Here's what you do: eat poo.

 



A terrible thing have happened. Clive won't eat no liver-snaps, no pigs ears, nothin'. He tole me he been turned into a VEGAN! Then he sayed he feeled great. Which, that maked my furs all stand up and I sayed, VEGAN? You is a VEGAN? So, just like that, alls in a suddenly you doesn't believe in God no more? Clive maked a evil laugh on me and called me so stupid. But I knowed that just beed the devil talkin'. I's tellin' Mrs. Pearson on him.

TWO WORDS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE VERY CAREFUL

NOT TO MIX UP

AND THEN I USES ONE OF 'EM IN A SENTENCE

BUT NOT BOTH

1. Crotch
2. Crunch

 

I loves homemade peanut brittle what gots a nice snappy CROTCH to it.

I hadda put on my Happy Hat today acause I needs cheerin' up on account of I hadded a bad night last night. A little mouse squeaked outta my bum when I beed sleepin'. It waked me up, and then I jumped up and teared apart that bed lookin' for that little thing. Which, that waked up Momma and she weren't too happy. She sayed, oh, George, you just had a little fart, is all. Prawly somethin' you ate. I knows I never eated no fart mouse. I doesn't even knows what fart mouses looks like. So then I beed fussin' all the night long; worried over them sneaky critters and how come I bees eatin' 'em when I never even seen em'?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I'S HOPPIN' HAPPY AS A FLEA

ACAUSE ME AND MOMMAS GOIN IN THE CAR-CAR TO ALL A DRIVE-THRUS IN THE CITY

AND GETTIN' DOGGIE TREATS FOR FREE!

2 WORDS WHAT SOUNDS LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY IS

AND THEN I USES THEM IN A SENTENCE

1. HARDLY, acause if you beed working hard, you could say hardly instead of hardish.
2. FAMISHED, acause it sounds like somethin's fulled up, like bein' famished of a video game.

 

Grammy sayed, I loves to see a growin' boy HARDLY eatin', have some more potatoes; but I sayed, no thanks, Grammy, I's FAMISHED.

Grammy gotted herself in a pickle jar today acause she tored apart Mr. Brown's be-cyclin' and he catched her in the yact. Then he chased her all a ways home. I tole Grammy, you hide; and then I putted on my super disguise mask afore Mr. Brown beed bangin' on our door. Where is your Momma, George, he sayed, all fulla mad. I is the Momma, Mr. Brown, I tole him. Then I sayed, there don't bees any doggies here, only my baby alligators. And I beed talkin' all squeaky like a momma alligator. Then I sayed, have a nice day, and I shutted the door. I seen his mouth hangin' open, but he couldn't say nothin'. Prawly he's ascared a alligators. But I saved the day for Grammy; and I ain't gonna open my big yapper and tell nobody nothin'. Just like Grammy sayed.

I seen the handsomest big man Boxer Dog today. He gotted pointy ears like little tee-pees sittin' on hims head. I wants them ears so bad. But Momma sayed that if the Lord wanted me to have pointy ears, he woulda gived me them. She even sayed they was faker ears. So I splained to Momma 'bout sometime if I doesn't does what I's tole, it bees acause I doesn't hear her. Acause my ears is in my ears. I could be such a good boy, I tole her, with ears what bees like little satellite dishes. But, no. No way, hosey, she sayed. So now I been brushin' 'em back like as if they's short. It ain't so bad. Momma hates 'em this way. I's glad.

At Sunday School today Mrs. Pearson teached us a prayer what sayed that The Lord is our Shepherd. Which, I thunk that beed so funny, acause Grampy gots a friend called Dirk the Drug Sniffer Dog; and he bees a Shepherd, too! So I beed tellin' all a kids what maybe The Lord sniffs drugs, too; and Mrs. Pearson's face gotted as red as my mittens and she maked me sit in the hallway until Momma came. I doesn't even know what the heck happened.

So when Momma axed me, does these pants make my butts look fat? I tole her, yes, Momma, they does. Then she beed sad, so I sayed, Momma, them pants is OK; it only bees your butts whats fat inside of ' em. Then she beed lookin' like a ole hound dog what gotted hims ear tromped on; so I tole her, prawly your butts bees fine, Momma. It even bees a little tiny butts. Just your belly bees pullin' them pants too tight on your winnie little butts. Then she busted up cryin'. I does not understand that shootin' gootin' woman for nothin'.

Momma been scarin' a haystack outta me today. Ever time I turns around she bees there yellin' at me. George! Git outta that laundry. Which, I's just lookin' for my blankie. George! Stop diggin' in the couch. And I only beed checkin' if she losed any quarters in there. When she sayed to stop eatin' the garbage; that done it. Firsty, I's only makin' sure she weren't throwin' out nothin' a mine. And twosy; I ain't no garbage-eater.Turn yous face offa me, Momma! I hollered at her. Then afore she could say nothin', I sayed, you looks like yous wearin' a bag a donkey tails for hair today. Then I just sended mine own self to bed.

1 WORD WHAT'S THREE WORDS IN ONE

AND THEN I USES IT IN A SENTENCE

1. Inattentively

I thinks we should go camping someday, Georgie, Momma sayed IN A TENT ively.

 

She never even really sayed that, she don't like campin'.

Momma haven't heared about this mornin' yet. Me and Velma walked Clive to school all by hisself for the first time. We seed a Crosser Guard at the corner; which, we never even heared nothin' about Crosser Guards before. When she blowed her whistle on us, me and Clive runned acrossed the street and up on her as fast as a zipper. It were on accident. Velma screamed. The red car stopped just afore it squashed the Crosser Guard's head. The black car hitted the red car. The Yambalance Man sayed, what in carnation was you boys thinkin'? I's gonna call yous Mommas. When Momma gets home from work today, I's gonna say, your hair looks very swell today, Momma. She likes that. I hopes some of the happy sticks on her after the Yambalance Man calls.

I gotted all spiffied up for a special night at Obee Dance School tonight, acause we was puttin' on a showoff for everbody can come an' see what we been learnin'.  I maked a secret surprise for Momma; so when Mrs. Barker sayed sit, and all the nother kids sitted down; I jus' tap, tappity, tap-danced like popcorn on a campfire. Alls a Mommies and Daddies was laughin' and clappin'on me. Then Mrs.Barker gotted to clickin' up a crazy on her clicker; which, that soaked in very good with my tappin'. Seem to me like everbody loved my tappy surprise, but most the specially  Momma. She weren't clappin', acause she beed coverin' her little face on account a her cryin'. Proud as a punch-bowl.

So I met a new cousin what's called Joseph and he bees seven but he looks like a baby acause he bees only a part of a Boxer. His Momma bees a Shitzu. That means you is a Shit-Box, Joseph, I tole him. And he went and chomped on my ear and hunged on there like his wife defended on it. I hadda swat him offa me. Momma seen Joseph flying acrossed the coffee table and she yelled, Mister George! You git to your room! But that Shit-Box bited me on my ear, I tole her; and she sayed, mind my mouth, young man. My ear is prawly broke; and that Joseph Shit-Box bees eatin' my liver-snaps to make him shut hims stupid whining up. I doesn't like my new cousin so much.

When Momma asked Grammy, did you been smokin' yous cigars in here again? Grammy didn't sayed nothin', but she stared her eyes all buggy over on me. So I sayed, I ain't been smokin' Grammy's cigars, Momma, smell my breath. Which, that weren't so smart, acause Momma smelled what I been eatin' her scotch mints. An' I hadda dig the rest of em' outta the couch and give 'em back.  I's prawly gonna hide Grammy's teeths tonight.

4 THINGS WHAT MOMMA NEVER SHOULD OF FEEDED ME

AND NO SENTENCE ACAUSE I BEES TOO DISGUSTIN'

1. Chicken's Legs
2. Rump Roast
3. The Popes Nose
4. Head Cheese

Somebody call the FBI or somethin'

I bees mad to Momma today acause she played a tricker on me. Hold still, Georgie, she sayed, you looks so cute. So a course I holded still, acause I all a time gets a treat after. And I thunk I beed cute acause Momma sayed so. But she tooked a picture a dribbles and bubbles hangin' outta my face and she thinks it just bees so heelarious. That woman gots something wrong with her.

Me and Clive had us a big hanker for burgers today, but they's no dogs allowed in the Burger Barn. 'Cept for guide dogs is OK. So I betended I beed blind, and Clive beed my guider, and we walked right on in. But the hamburger lady been a tough ole cob a corn and she sayed you doggies git on outta here or I's gonna call on the police. Which, he been a very nice policeman what drived us home. And he even knowed where I lives acause sometimes he drives Grammy home when she bees all lickered up. He even sayed, say hello to Grammy!

4 WORDS WHAT GOES VERY GOOD WITH SHIT

AND THEN I USES THEM IN 2 SENTENCES

SO'S YOU CAN SEE THE DIFFERENCE

1. Head
2. Box
3. Hole
4. Bag

That HEAD Frank what I works with drived his BOX to his HOLE to pick up his BAG wife acause she broked her foot and hadda go to the doctor.

 

That SHITHEAD Frank what I works with drived his SHITBOX to his SHITHOLE to pick up his SHITBAG wife acause she broked her foot and hadda go to the doctor. 

Grampy sayed he scared the pants offa a chubby lady in the Walmart parking lot today. Acause he bees so blind, he gotted into the wrong car, and when the lady opened her door; she screamed and Grampy runned. So has you got them now, Grampy? I asks him. Got what, George? Does you got the chubby pants now? He just tole me stop interruptin' and listen to his hang-dang story. But I couldn't listen no more. My head beed jammed up with pictures of that chubby no-pants lady screamin' her face off in the parkin' lot. I sure woulda like to seen that big ole pair a chubby pants.

So I been tryin' a help Momma cook supper tonight and she sayed, George, git out! You isn't the cooker here, I is. Why doesn't you just go and do something puppyish. So I done what she sayed and now she bees grumpin' at me even worser than before.I doesn't get that creasley measley woman.

1 BOYS NAME WHAT SOUNDS LIKE A DIRTY WORD

AND THEN I USES IT IN A SENTENCE

1. Dick

I asked Momma can I play outside with my new friend DICK and she sayed, don't you talk rude at me, Mr. George, you git to your room; so I hadda tell DICK he gots to go home acause he beed named after a penis.

Momma haven't let me near my Facebook for a longest time now acause she been too busy hiding all a my belongings in cardboard boxes. She don't know what I hided a bone in the couch yet; but I HAD to. We's moving, Georgie, she says. Well, a course I knows we's movin'. She bees all, git outta here, move over, git down... I's movin' all a time. No, Georgie, you's gonna have a new dress, she says all excited like. Well, what the heck does I want with a new dress? Someone needs to have a talk at that woman.

Grampy gots a brother what gots only one eye called Uncle Winky; and he comed over for tea today. I kept on and on tappin' him on his blind shoulder acause I thunk it beed funny how he all the time spunned around the wrong way and never even seed it been me. Then he felled right offa his chair, and Grampy sayed, what the hell's bells bees wrong with you, Winky? Does you gots the worms or somethin'? So Uncle Winky beed all assaulted over that and left in a puff. Which, that beed too bad; 'cept I gotted to finish his tea; and Grampy even gived me a Social Tea Biscuit, whats only for companies.

5 TREES WHAT SOUNDS LIKE DIRTY WORDS WHAT MAKES ME AND CLIVE LAUGH

AND THEN I USES THEM IN A SENTENCE

1. Ash
2. Bladdernut
3. Hercule's Club
4. Maidenhair Tree
5. Maleberry

I peed a BLADDERNUT on Mrs. Hopkins ASH with my big ole HERCULE'S CLUB and pretty near gotted my MALEBERRY catched up in her MAIDENHAIR.

 

Sorry if this bees rude, but try an remember they's just trees.

 

PLEASE don't tell Momma.

I's gonna be a monkey trainer when I grows up. I already been practicing trainy things on Momma, but she don't know 'bout it. She's learnin' very good, though. When I barks once, she yells. Then when I barks two times, she stamps her foot and puts her hands on her hips. I's trying to get her to spin around on three barks; I even been spinnin' myself to show her how, but she ain't there yet. But when she catches on, I's gonna have her doin' a cute little jig. Which will look very good when my little monkey does a jig; when I gets a monkey. Momma bees too big to look cute.

Clive beed spittin' on the backs of my head at Sunday School today and he wouldn't stop it. Mrs. Barker weren't payin' attention acause she been telling everbody 'bout the time when Jesus maked wine for the wedding. She asks us, what did Jesus tole his Momma when she wanted more wine? And I hollered, if you doesn't stop that, I's gonna rip out yous ears and fry 'em up and eat 'em right a front of you. But I meaned Clive. I wouldn't never rip out Mother Mary's ears. Never. I hadda sit in the hall and wait for Momma. Again. My Momma, not Jesuses.

So I falled in L-O-V-E today! Her name bees Dot, and she works at the Fire Shop keepin' Firemans company. I got my brave all mustard and I sayed to her, you is the most beautifullest spotty bitch I ever seen. When does you get off work? And she sayed never. Fireman Tim tole me, don't feel bad, son. Dot bees a pure-bread girl, is all. But I ain't givin up.Tomorrow I's bringin' her a pure-bread milk-bone sandwich for lunch. I's gonna make her love me...

2 WAYS MY MOMMA DON'T MAKE NO SENSE

Ever time I watches my favourite show on the TV vision called The Dog Whisperer, Momma bees all a time tellin' me, Georgie could you turn that up, please? I can't here it. Which, that don't make no sense acause;

1. it bees a show for dogs, not for Mommas.
2. the man bees whispering, you ain't apposed to hear him.

Momma just don't get it what-so-all.

So I wants to be a tap dancer. That's how come I been growin' my nails so's they clickety-click just nice. But Mrs. Barker at Obee Dance School haven't played one stitch of music yet. She bees all; sit down, stay, stand here, sit down... she can't even make up her own mind. I musta just had alls I could hang-dang take today acause all on a sudden I starts runnin' and tappin' around that gym. I beed a tap-dancer helicopter, and all the kids was goin' crazy for me. Later when Momma picked me up, I heared her tole Mrs. Barker, I doesn't want no refund...I wants my George to LEARN SOMETHING! I bees so proud of Momma for believin' in me. I's gonna be the snappiest, tappiest dancer she ever seen.

So I had a accident today what very distappointed Momma somethin' awful. I eated a whole roll of toilet paper, which, that weren't so fun for me, neither, acause it sticked my mouth all up. But Momma beed even madder today than she were last week when I accidentally eated the hambugger what was apposed to make bisgetti. Grammy Bob sayed that's I's gettin' bigger and uglier, so I gots to stop actin' like a moron. So I sayed maybe tomorrow I's gonna try to not to be a moron no more. Then Grammy sayed that I ain't really so ugly; I just ain't as cute as I used of be. That maked me happy.

So I doesn't think I makes such a good dog. I won't never hear a burgular on account of my long ole ears. My tale don't wag proper acause someone chopped most of it off when I were sleepin' one time. I beed wishing 'bout being a cowboy. I gots four legs for holdin' on tight to my horsey when I gets one; and I thinks I'm prawly bees a pretty good shot, too. So from now on, I bees Clint the Cowboy; that's what I tole Momma. She sayed oh, Georgie, you's so silly, come and have your dinner now. But I didn't even. Acause I doesn't know no George. I's Clint the Cowboy. Or Clint for short. I'm prawly have to eat after she goes to bed.

So Grammy Bob gotted herself a wig for her blind date tonight, and she axed me,
Georgie, how does you like my hair?
You looks very natural, Grammy.
I looks like a ASS****?
No...no! It's very attractive.
Does I live in a bat-cave?
GRAMMY! Get that wig outta your ears.
You gots bugs in YOUR rear.
Oh,man, I gots to go.
Thank you Georgie. I thunk I looks like Marilyn Munroe, too!

A LONG SENTENCE I CALLS DOGS IS PEOPLE TOO

WITH A TRICKER SNEAKED IN THERE

SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT IT

 

JACK RUSSELL been prayin' hard at SAINT BERNARD to make his daddy, who bees a world champ BOXER, to let him be a SHEPHERD when he grows up; but his daddy bees all a time saying; you is gonna be a BOXER like me, son; else a GREYHOUND bus driver like your uncle GORDON SETTER; but no man in this family never been no SHEPHERD; I'm rather sees you just be a ole DISHWASHER.  

I learned a smart thing, and a crazy thing at Obee Dance School today. If you sees a tree ON a wall, it prawly don't be a real tree; just a picture of a tree. And if you gots a big picture all over a wall; it bees called a Muriel. Not apposed to pee on a Muriel. That bees the smart thing. And it splains why that bunny weren't hoppin' at all. The crazy part is; if you wants trees and grass and bunnies, why doesn't you just go outside? Also, I only gotted half a snack today. That's crazy.