Momma beed mad on me today and she sayed; heavens to Betsy, George, I telled you for to stop suckin' yous paw; and now look on you. Yous teeth is BUCKED! Which, I thunk that beed a very bad word for Momma to be sayin' 'bout my teeths. Then she tole me I gots a go at the dentist shop; but I is not gonna go. Absotootly not. I smiled on Momma an showed her; see Momma, I sayed, my teeths bees fine. Just my lips bees a little bit too short is all. Prawly theys gonna grow.

Today I beed a Horny Toad and my house beed the Horny Toad Hotel when Momma goed to work and I sitted on the couch in the sun a waitin' on flies what I could zip up with my long toad tongue. Ever time the phone ringed I sayed, Horny Toad Hotel, Horny George bees talkin'. Which, I isn't apposed a answer the phone on myself, but I forgetted 'bout that on accident. Momma finded out 'bout I beed answerin' the phone acause her friend axed her, how come you has a fella called Horny George at yous house? When Momma gotted home from work, she weren't mad on me; just streamly distapointed. That beed much quieter than mad, acause she just putted on her hang-dog face and hummed funeral songs. I tole Momma what I's so sorry and I doesn't never wanna distapoint her never again. I'm much rather she just bees mad and yells on me and then bees over it.

Clive gotted new boots whats called puddle-hoppers and they gots Spiderman on 'em and you bounces when you jumps acause they bees maked outta rubber. Clive tole me what he bees huntin' swamp monsters in 'em. Which, I needs a hunt swamp monsters, too. So I axed Momma, please, please, Momma, I NEEDS for to has a set a puddle-hoppers like Clive gots. Momma sayed, I gots nice rubber boots in the closet what haves never beed weared; you can use them, Georgie. Well firsty, they bees polka-dot boots. And twosy, theys a least a bucket too big on my feets. Them swamp monsters gonna laugh on me if I goes out lookin' like a dance-hall girl, Momma, I tole her. She sayed, don't be rude on somebody what bees nice at you, young man. I thinks thems prawly too big a boots for to eat; so I's gonna hafta bury 'em atill Momma bees done with her foolishy thinkin'.

Grammy bees in big troubles today acause she bited the mailman on hims bag. And hims mail felled out, too. She sayed it ain't her fault acause she thunk he beed the mean bus driver what throwed her offa hims bus acause he sayed what she stinked like a booze hound. Which, she don't even looks nothin' like no hound dog. So now the mailman tole us he ain't deliberin' no mail at our house no more; and Grammy sayed when Momma finds out, she gonnas throw a torpedo fit like we ain't seen in two counties since Nellie Douglas catched her stud sneakin' off with her floozy cousin Dutchess. Then she sayed what she needs a cold Screwdriver for to steady her nerves, but I thinks prawly she better not play with tools if she bees so shaky.

Today at Sunday School, Mrs. Pearson teached us alls 'bout the Good 'n Smartin man what goed around bein' nice and helpin' peoples out. And she sayed what The Lord bees lookin' for boys 'n girls for to be on hims team. Which, I is good 'n smart, and I's nice to peoples; so prawly I's gonna get on the team. I maked a cheer what I been practicin' acause I been hopin' what maybe they's gonna say, hey, Georgie, you oughta be the captain a the team. Then I's gonna cheer; I's on the team a the    L-R-D! But then I thunk, prawly Jesus already bees the captain acause it bees hims father's team anyhows.

Today Momma goed grocery shoppin' and I beed very boring, so I gotted the great idea for to be Nosy Parker, the friendly potato farmer what looks out for all hims neighbours. And then I done that. When Momma comed home, I tole her everthin' 'bout ever little thin' what I seed everbody doin'. She sayed, nobody likes a tattletale, Nosy Parker! Which, how in the holy clod-hoppers do Momma knows what I beed Nosy Parker? Prawly she bees wrong, anyhows. I thinks everbody likes a have a friendly potato farmer neighbour. Momma don't all a time knows everthin'.

At Obee Dance School today, Mrs. Barker maked me dance a waltz with Clive acause Milly Krank beed sick, and they didn't been enough girls for to fill up all the boys. When we was done, Clive sayed, wait till I tells the guys what you hadda be a girl today, George. So I kissed him full on hims lips and tole him, yeah, well, you just kissed a boy, Clive. Prawly you doesn't wanna say nothin' 'bout nothin' at nobody, Buster Brown. And then I goed in the boys bathroom and gargled my face off in the toilet atill I maked sure what all them Clive germs gotted offa me.