Today I gotted gussied up for to sure show that Clive an' Scabby Doyle what I ain't no idiot like they's all a time sayin'. But when I telled them I has beed beclared the  Number One Boxer Boy of East Windsor of The World... They laughed on me. Then they called me liar liar pants on fire. But I didn't not care, acause I were betendin' they was ducks. Which, Grampy telled me that trick. So I jus' only heared; quackity quack, duck, duck, in my brains; atill they sayed what my nose bees like a telephone wire. Then all a my duck thinkin' runned outta my mouth an' I tole 'em: Clive an' Scabby, yous bees ducks. An' yous noses is as big as F***. Plus, yous pants is too long. Momma prawly's gonna wanna kill me when she finds out 'bout this. 'Cept for, I's gonna bemind her 'bout I bees the Number One Boxer Boy. Prawly gonna keep my hat on for a couple or a few days.

I were beggin' Momma today for to please, please, git me some bracelets on my teeths; acause all a girls at Obee Dance School has beed teasin' me 'bout Georgie Peorgie kissin' the girls an' makin' 'em cry.  They was sayin' all a girls is gonna cry acause my alligator teeths is gonna stick up thems nose when I kisses 'em. Momma sayed, oh, Georgie, they ain't no such thing like bracelets for doggie teeths. She tole me, don't not listen on them silly girls, Georgie. You is a handsome boxer boy. You's always gonna has Momma here for to kiss you. Which, that jus' feels like deesgusstin'. But I never sayed nothin'; acause prawly Momma gonna cry if she knowed that. An' I's tryin' very hard for to stop kissin' on girls an' makin' 'em cry.

Grampy hadda come an' git me at Sunday School today acause Momma bees feeded up with my shenanigans, an' Mrs. Pearson were all mad acause I keeped on callin' her Mrs. P. Which, that maked everbody laugh they's faces off an' call her Mrs. Peepee; an' she thunk it were all my fault even know I only sayed one pee. But Grampy weren't mad on me what so all. He sayed, oh, I done worser 'n that, Georgie. I axed him, what did ya done, Grampy? An' he tole me 'bout one time he hadded a dance with a bearded lady acause he feeled sorry for her; an' it turned out she beed a lumberjack in a dress. Seem  to me what that gotted nothin' to do with Mrs. Peepee; but then Grampy buyed me a donut an' tole me, go home an' act like I gived you what-for. An' don't tell nobody 'bout me dancin' with Leonard the Lumberjack, neither. So I ain't never sayin' nothin' 'bout that.

Grammy Bob gotted all poodled up for to go out dancin' tonight, an' she axed me, does I looks drop-dead gorgeous, George? I were thinkin', well, I'm rather be dead astead a dancin' with the looks a that. But I never sayed nothin'. Then Grammy axed me, why is ya lookin' on me like I's from outta space? Stop that! So I tried a smile, an' she tole me, git that smirk offa yous face. So then I tried on a snarly-face, an' Grammy gotted real quite. Forout even movin' her mouth she sayed all snakey-like, you better wipe yous face right offa yous face, young man. Or else! Which, I prawly can't not even do that.  I jus' hopes on heaven what some poor fella axes her for to dance tonight.

Grammy beed squawkin' like a ole bird on me all mornin', git, git, git. Git on outside an' play, George. So I goed at the park, an' guess what? I maked a new friend whats a donkey called Daisy. Which, I gots no clue how come a donkey were at my park; but I axed her, does ya wanna come over to my house an' watch TV? Acause she were too big for the slides an' swings. So that beed what we done. Atill Grammy gotted home from the beer shop, that is. She hollered on us, I thunk I tole you for to git on outside, George! Now git that fat ass offa the couch! Daisy right away started hee-haw bawlin' acause a Grammy callin' her fat. But Grammy tole her, you must of bees a silly ass, girl; I is talkin' 'bout George's fat ass. Well. I doesn't thinks what my ass bees so fat. My tail prawly jus' bees a little too small for it, is all. Somebody chopped it off forout even axein'.

Momma sploded mad on me today; an' I hardly even done nothin' wrong. 'Cept for I eated her pork chops what was under-freezin' in the kitchen sink. But that beed a accident. I jus' thunk what Momma leaved me a snack, is all. She screamed, not nobody never messes with Momma's food, George! You better watch out what I doesn't wanna shoulda make a rug outta you! I jus' beed actin' all sorry, lookin' down on my feets; an' guess what I seed? A zebra rug. Right underneath a my feets. Which, I thunk, maybe I bees standin' on George the Zebra right now. An' prawly George the Zebra eated some a Momma's food afore he gotted maked into a rug. So I is betendin' I is a rug now. An' I ain't gettin' up atill Momma finds somethin' else to chomp on.

 

 

I has beed havin' troubles with my Momma, acause she all a time bees drinkin' outta my drink. Which, that bees deesgustin'. But she jus' goes, oh, so sorry. I never seed yous name on it, George. Like a smart pants. Well, I bees a even smarter pants than her, now; acause I gots a drink what DO has my name on it. So I's gonna tole Momma, oh, so sorry, but that bees a George drink. If you is really firsty, you can have some water outta my bowl! I loves my George Coke so darn-tootin'  much what I prawly ain't never gonna drink it neither!