Momma sploded mad on me today; an' I hardly even done nothin' wrong. 'Cept for I eated her pork chops what was under-freezin' in the kitchen sink. But that beed a accident. I jus' thunk what Momma leaved me a snack, is all. She screamed, not nobody never messes with Momma's food, George! You better watch out what I doesn't wanna shoulda make a rug outta you! I jus' beed actin' all sorry, lookin' down on my feets; an' guess what I seed? A zebra rug. Right underneath a my feets. Which, I thunk, maybe I bees standin' on George the Zebra right now. An' prawly George the Zebra eated some a Momma's food afore he gotted maked into a rug. So I is betendin' I is a rug now. An' I ain't gettin' up atill Momma finds somethin' else to chomp on.

 

 

I has beed havin' troubles with my Momma, acause she all a time bees drinkin' outta my drink. Which, that bees deesgustin'. But she jus' goes, oh, so sorry. I never seed yous name on it, George. Like a smart pants. Well, I bees a even smarter pants than her, now; acause I gots a drink what DO has my name on it. So I's gonna tole Momma, oh, so sorry, but that bees a George drink. If you is really firsty, you can have some water outta my bowl! I loves my George Coke so darn-tootin'  much what I prawly ain't never gonna drink it neither!

They ain't no Obee Dance School in the summertime, so Momma goed an' signed me up for some nother classes what's apposed a belax me so's I don't bees such a moron. They's called Yoghurt Class; an' when Momma maked me put on my Yoghurt Uniform what fits like a banana skin; I tole her, well, I ain't goin'. But she sayed, ya you is. An' then I goed. Everbody were learnin' for to breathe, an' stretch, an' belax; an' guess what? When Scabby Doyle beed callin' me a ballerina on my way home; I weren't even mad! I jus' belaxed, an' taked a big breath, an' then I downward doggied right on hims fat stupid head atill he cried an' I maked him call me Uncle George. Now I's gonna practice practice very all a time atill I gits my black belt in Yoghurt. Then if Scabby wannas be mean on me again, I's prawly gonna make him call me Auntie George!

Today has beed the King Kong worstest day what I has ever haved. An' it bees all on Momma's fault. She tole me, I gots a greatest surprise for you, Georgie; you is goin' to the Beauty Saloon! Which, it weren't no saloon fulla beautiful girls what so all. 'Jus a big-haired man-woman sloppin' aroun' an' sprayin' me an' scrubbin' me; an' then she sayed, let's git at that bum, George. I never beed treated so rude in my tire life. Momma says what I smells like flowers now; an' she bees all incited acause she gonna go at the Beauty Saloon next week. I prawly never knowed afore what ever time Momma gits her hair did, she gots a stranger scrubbin' at her bum. That jus' don't seems right.

Momma don't never lets me goin' out by myself acause she all a time says what I bees too young. So today I thunk, well, I is gonna trick Momma then; an' I gussied up like a ole lady. A ole China lady, even. When Momma sayed, George, what is you doin' lookin' so reedickilous? I tole her, I doesn't knows no George, Momma. I bees China Lilly; goin' for a walk. But Momma sayed, George, you take that nonsense offa yous foolish head. You ain't goin' nowhere. Clive figures what Momma prawly seed what I were walkin' on four a my legs. Skin peoples only walks on theys back legs, he sayed. I prawly coulda gotted past Momma if them skin folks woulda quit theys fancy steppin' an' walk proper like the rest a us.

I thinks what Momma needs a new watch acause Grampy tole me, prawly yous Momma gots her Time Troubles today, Georgie. That bees how come she bees actin' all crazy. Firsty, she gived me Alphabet Soup for lunch. Which, who gonna wanna do readin' when theys hungry? An' then she were all yakity-yak on the phone; an' when I only tried a axe her somethin', she sayed, jus' mind you's P's an' Q's, George. So I picked 'em all outta the soup for her, an' then she goed an' hollered, Mister George! What did you done? You's apposed a be a doggy; not a pig! So I jus' eated up the rest a my soup forout even readin' it. But I hopes what I eated it in the right order so when I makes my poop; it gonnas spell: MOMMA BEES A GRUM. I'm rather poop out grump, 'cept for Momma the Grum maked me take out all the P's.

After supper tonight, Momma beed playin' a new game called Bigsaw Puzzle, an' she were clickety-clickin' all kind a little bits alls over the table. I never knowed 'bout Bigsaw Puzzlein' afore; an' I thunk what all a them clickers was treats. So I sneaked up on Momma an' I eated a piece a her Bigsaw Puzzle. On accident. Then she hollered on me, George! You has goed an' wrecked my puzzle now! Which, it already beed broke when she buyed it. I tole her that, too. I sayed, Momma, I can't not broke somethin' what already bees broke in the box. Why ya wanna go an' buy a broke bigsaw anyhows? Ya prawly shoulda got mad on the store, not me, Momma. Then guess what? Momma couldn't not even say nothin'! Prawly she figured out she jus' beed talkin' foolish.