Today has beed the King Kong worstest day what I has ever haved. An' it bees all on Momma's fault. She tole me, I gots a greatest surprise for you, Georgie; you is goin' to the Beauty Saloon! Which, it weren't no saloon fulla beautiful girls what so all. 'Jus a big-haired man-woman sloppin' aroun' an' sprayin' me an' scrubbin' me; an' then she sayed, let's git at that bum, George. I never beed treated so rude in my tire life. Momma says what I smells like flowers now; an' she bees all incited acause she gonna go at the Beauty Saloon next week. I prawly never knowed afore what ever time Momma gits her hair did, she gots a stranger scrubbin' at her bum. That jus' don't seems right.

Momma don't never lets me goin' out by myself acause she all a time says what I bees too young. So today I thunk, well, I is gonna trick Momma then; an' I gussied up like a ole lady. A ole China lady, even. When Momma sayed, George, what is you doin' lookin' so reedickilous? I tole her, I doesn't knows no George, Momma. I bees China Lilly; goin' for a walk. But Momma sayed, George, you take that nonsense offa yous foolish head. You ain't goin' nowhere. Clive figures what Momma prawly seed what I were walkin' on four a my legs. Skin peoples only walks on theys back legs, he sayed. I prawly coulda gotted past Momma if them skin folks woulda quit theys fancy steppin' an' walk proper like the rest a us.

I thinks what Momma needs a new watch acause Grampy tole me, prawly yous Momma gots her Time Troubles today, Georgie. That bees how come she bees actin' all crazy. Firsty, she gived me Alphabet Soup for lunch. Which, who gonna wanna do readin' when theys hungry? An' then she were all yakity-yak on the phone; an' when I only tried a axe her somethin', she sayed, jus' mind you's P's an' Q's, George. So I picked 'em all outta the soup for her, an' then she goed an' hollered, Mister George! What did you done? You's apposed a be a doggy; not a pig! So I jus' eated up the rest a my soup forout even readin' it. But I hopes what I eated it in the right order so when I makes my poop; it gonnas spell: MOMMA BEES A GRUM. I'm rather poop out grump, 'cept for Momma the Grum maked me take out all the P's.

After supper tonight, Momma beed playin' a new game called Bigsaw Puzzle, an' she were clickety-clickin' all kind a little bits alls over the table. I never knowed 'bout Bigsaw Puzzlein' afore; an' I thunk what all a them clickers was treats. So I sneaked up on Momma an' I eated a piece a her Bigsaw Puzzle. On accident. Then she hollered on me, George! You has goed an' wrecked my puzzle now! Which, it already beed broke when she buyed it. I tole her that, too. I sayed, Momma, I can't not broke somethin' what already bees broke in the box. Why ya wanna go an' buy a broke bigsaw anyhows? Ya prawly shoulda got mad on the store, not me, Momma. Then guess what? Momma couldn't not even say nothin'! Prawly she figured out she jus' beed talkin' foolish.

Today Uncle Vern an' Aunt Spot taked all a us kids at the beach, an' I seed the most beautifullest girl what have ever beed borned. Everbody's eyes was sticked on her an' her green bikini. Even Aunt Spot sayed, I wishes what I looks like that in a bikini. Then Uncle Vern sayed, me too! I thunk that beed weird, what Uncle Vern gonna wanna wear a green bikini. But next I knowed, Aunt Spot were screamin', an' Uncle Vern beed runnin'; then Uncle Vern were screamin', STOP, SPOT! I CAN'T NOT SWIM I CAN'T NOT SWIM! Momma sayed, I heared what you seed quite a display at the beach today, Georgie. I tole her, oh, no, Momma, weren't nobody playin' what so all. Uncle Vern pretty near drownded. The she sayed, oh, George, you bees so funny! Which, I weren't not even tryin'. Ha!

Clive comed over today an' he teached me a new trick what everbody bees doin' called Shelfies. It bees a easy trick; all's ya does is, ya gits yous Momma's camera, an' then ya takes pictures a yous own self. That bees it! I thunk my pictures beed very good, but when Momma seed 'em, she sayed, Georgie, what did you did? Momma's camera ain't not a toy, young man. Then she gived me a coconut bikini an' tole me, go put this on an' let Momma take some GOOD pictures. Well, I were so mad on her, I tole her, hows 'bout you put that thing on yous self an' make a shelfie; acause I ain't doin' it. So she done it. I don't never wanna see nothin' like that again. I'm rather boil my eyeballs an' make George-Eye soup! Don't worry, know. I beleted 'em. So now everbody gits a see my shelfies!

At Sunday School today we was singin' 'bout Jesus lovin' me this I knows; an' I hadda stood beside a Mary Ellen Bloody Hound. Which, that beed awful, acause she were soundin' like Grampy blowin' hims nose. So I jus' singed louder 'n louder for to make sure what Jesus gonna hear me. Then Mrs. Pearson axed me does I thinks what Jesus wanna got yelled at like that? I sayed, no, M'am; but prawly He don't wanna hear Mary Ellen honkin' like that, neither. So we both of us hadda whisper-sing after that. An' guess what? I heared Jesus say, thanks you, George. Right inside a my ear! That song must of  bees right. Jesus do loves me! Not so much Mary Ellen, though. He tole me that, too.