Momma bees makin' me stay in the laundry room today acause she gots a friend whats called Mary Jane; and Mary Jane bees gettin' married so she gots a come over at my house for to has a shower. Which, I doesn't know why Dirty Mary Jane don't not just takes a bath at her own house. But Momma maked all sort a goodies for to eat acause very a lots a girls is comin' over for to clean up Dirty Mary Jane. And I ain't allowed eatin' no goodies. And I ain't allowed comin' outta the laundry room, acause Dirty Mary Jane bees ascared a me and plus she bees vallergic. I beed mad on Momma at first, but then I seed Dirty Mary Jane gettin' outta her car. I'm rather stay in the laundry room, now. Prawly I don't not wanna see that big toothy face girl naked in the shower any ole how.

I hadded a deesgustin' sicky day toady and it all beed Grammy's own fault acause she maked a fart what was so bad what I throwed up in my mouth. Grampy sayed, for the love a heaven, Grammy, would ya lay offa them liver snaps after dinner? Grammy axed Grampy, did you just axe me for to has a lovers nap with you after dinner, Edward? Which, that maked Grampy thrown up in hims mouth, too. Then Grammy beed so mad, she tole us what she bees leavin' acause us two makes her sick. Me and Grampy knows what it really bees the tother way around; but we was happy what she stompled her smelly self outta there.

Today I hadded a fatso milk bone and Clive sayed, hey George, does ya wanna trade that for my magic hat what makes you unvisible? Which, I thunk Clive beed so stupid, acause a course everybody gonna wanna has a magic hat. So we done traded and I putted on the magic hat and axed Clive, how does I looks? He sayed, holy snappin' crackers! Does somebody bees talkin' at me? I can't not see nobody! So I goed home all happy and unvisible and the first thing I done was I stucked my tongue out on Momma acause I thunk it beed so funny what she couldn't not see me. 'Cept she did sawn me. Now I is grounded, and she gonna fry my tongue if I ever dares a do that again. When I bees allowed out again, I's gonna put on that magic hat and go and clobber Clive. A least I knows what he can't not see me. Prawly Momma musta gots magic eyes or somethin'.

Momma tole me what I can't not go at Sunday School wearin' no ratty tank top with my red banana on my head this mornin'; so I sayed, but God don't cares what I looks like, Momma, He just bees happy what I comed over. But she maked me put on my good banker shirt anyhows and tole me, don't be so rude, young man. A course, I beed late for Sunday School and Mrs. Pearson beed mad on me; so I tole her what it weren't my fault what God didn't not like my outfit today. Then I hadda go sit in the hall acause I were rude again. Which, I's gonna tell Momma; see, Momma, you shoulda just leaved me alone, acause God didn't even got to see my banker shirt any ole how, and now it bees dirty all for nothin'. Well, prawly I isn't gonna say that. But I wants to. A really a lot.

I besided what I wants a be a Knight In Shiny Arms and so now I gots a find me a girl for to love acause the Knight In Shiny Arms bees apposed a rescue the Damsel in Dis Dress. Which, that bees a girl. And prawly I gots a buy her a dress, 'cept I doesn't has no white horse for to rescue her and take her shoppin'. We's just gonna hafta take a bus. But I thinks what my Damsel Girl gonna bees happy anyhow acause now she don't gots a worry 'bout gettin' burned up and eated by no dragon. She gonna say, oh, Georgie, you is my Knight In Shiny Arms. Then she prawlys gonna kiss on me. And after that, we's just gonna live happily over laughter.

Dear Momma, A terrible thing have happened when you was at work today. I were nappin' like a good boy; and then a bad boy sneakered in and eated yous favourite cookbook acause he thunk what the pictures beed real food, but they only just tasted like paper. Prawly. Which, that beed how come he spitted it out all over the kitchen. Prawly. But don't you not worry, Momma; I's gone out for to look for that bad boy. I thinks what he bees called Chester the Jester and he looks like a jester dog; 'cept I ain't positively on account a I beed nappin'. But if you sees a jester dog, don't not touch him, Momma; just swoosh him outta the house, OK? And then I's prawly gonna be home soon after that. I loves you Momma. Your good boy son, George.

Momma beed terrible mad on me today. She been bang bang bangin' on the bathroom door acause I taked so long; and when I comed out she sayed, what the jeezly creeps did ya done to yous face, George? Acause I shaved mine face soft like a baby bum; acause all the girls loves a bum-face man. I seen it on TV. Momma sayed I sure does gots a bum-face, and prawly if I wants a be seed with her, I has to wear a bag on my head atill my face grows back in. Which, I isn't even so sure what I wannas be seed with her any ole how.