Today has beed the funnest day on my whole attire life. Grammy taked me 'n Clive 'n Velma to a Musement Park, and we eated junk and goed on ever ride what I never even knowed about afore. I throwed up on the Tea Cups, and Velma cried acause her undie wears was showin' on the Fairies Wheel; but the bestest part was when Grammy's teeths flewed offa the Rolly Coaster and bited some fella you knows where on hims you knows what. Then the Security Boy hadda stop our ruckus, and he tole Grammy, you gotsa go home now, else I is callin' the Police. Which, that beed OK, acause Officer Bob Thompson drived us home, so we never even hadda wait for the bus! I can't not wait atil I gets to go again, but Officer Bob Thompson sayed what we prawly oughta wait for a few days or a year.

Clive tole me today, guess what? There bees a new prince baby in Englishland what theys callin' George, jus' like you is George, George! I thunk what prawly theys seed my pictures. But then Clive sayed, and the baby momma's name bees Kate; jus' like yous Momma, too, Georgie! So then I thunk, well, me an' Momma must of bees a Canadish Royal Family. Which, that means if Clive gonna be mean, or spit on me or somethin'; I gets to holler, take him to my bowels and chop hims head off! When Aunt Spot heared that, she tole me I gotta go home now. She don't knows Royal Stuff what so all.

Today at Sunday School I axed Mrs. Pearson if it bees a swear word for to say, What The Devil...; and she sayed, no it ain't. She even called me Sweetie. Which, that were a surprise on me! I sayed, thanks goodness; acause when Grampy bringed me to Grammy's house, he tole her, why the devil doesn't you clean up this shit-hole you goddamn piss-tank; and I thunk he beed swearin' with hims devil talk. Then Mrs. Pearson sended me out in the hall and called me George astead a Sweetie. I jus' can't not figure out how the devil I goed from Sweetie to the hallway so fast. Prawly she gots to call the piss-tank for to come and git me acause Momma ain't home today.

Momma tole me what she don't wanna hears the nother word 'bout I is boring today. She sayed, you gots a magination, Georgie, now git outside and play. So I were betendin' swimmin' up the sidewalk, an' a ole lady goed, look on that poor doggy; he gots the Devil's Dance Disease! Which, that gived me the greatest idea for to make horrify-ish devil noises on the same time what I doggy-paddled around. I were very scarin' everbody what seed me, and that maked me laugh a dancy devil laugh. Atill somebody telled my Momma. She yanked me outta my maginary water and axed me, why is ya actin' like a moron, George? I never even thunk I beed a moron. If I hadda beed a maginary billy-goat and eated everbody's socks; that woulda beed a moron. I thinks what my Momma just gots a dusty magination.

CLOSED CALL

Grampy hadded a closed call today acause he almost beed hitted by a truck when he were tryin' a pick a dime offa the road. Which, it were only a pop-top after alls. Then the biggest, ugliest, truckiest man I ever seen jumped outta hims truck and yelled on Grampy, why I oughta poke yous light out, fella. Grampy sayed, well, pardon me all the way to the beach, Missus; but it ain't my fault what yous cookin' prawly bees as ugly as yous face. Hows 'bout you git on home an' scream on yous husband astead! Thanks God what there beed a big line a cars honkin' 'n hollerin', so the ugly truck man hadda go. I tole Grampy, I knows you is as blind as a hockey stick, Grampy, but didn't ya heared that big mad man voice on him? Grampy just sayed, huh; I only jus' thunk what she beed a smoker.

BAD MITTENS

Grammy teached me an' Clive a new game called Bad Mittens today. Which, ya doesn't even wear mittens; ya runs around with a bracket hittin' a cock back 'n forth to each nother. Grammy tole us what she used of hit that cock like nobody's business when she beed a young sizzler. She were hollerin' all a time all a time, hit it, watch it, keep yous eyes on that cock, boys! And then Clive batted that cock right straight in mine eye; an' I were screamin' like a seagull lookin' for french fries. That maked Momma come runnin' for to see what bees all the noise about. She jus' shooked her head and tole Grammy, see, it all bees funny games atill somebody loses theys eyeball. But Momma jus' don't unnerstans Bad Mittens what so all. Prawly I's gonna teach her how to play when my cock eye bees better.

CANADA DAY

So I missed Canada Day, eh? I gotted all gussied up today for somebody can took me in theys topless car in a big fine parade where everbody gonna say, hey, that bees Georgie lookin' all Canada handsome! But Momma tole me what that been two days ago. I is so mad on her. I axed her, how come you gone and maked me miss my big parade, Momma? She tole me, you eated my shoe, George. Bemember? Which, no, I doesn't. And, plus, you can't not put shoes 'n parades in the same soup pot anyhow, I tole her. But she sayed, I can, 'n I done. It bees yous own fault, George. If you missed behaves, you doesn't get special treats like parades. Well, I thinks what accidents is only accidents; and eatin' shoes bees accidents. Missin' parades is missin' behavin'. That bees what Momma done. And I ain't changin', neither. She can look on me all the day and bemember what she done. Prawly I's gonna gussy up tomorrow, too.

FISHIN'

Grampy were almost gonna take me fishin' today, 'cept when we gotted to the dock there beed two fisher fellas fishin' an' I heared 'em sayin', would ya look at that Large Mouth Ass whats comin' our way! So I eated all a thems worms for to teach 'em not to talk rude on my Grampy like that. Then the skinny fisher fella what hadded a wobbly eye hollered, hey, stop that! What is you, a retard? And I sayed, no. I is a Boxer Dog. Grampy yanked me offa the dock an' maked us go home without even lettin' me get my fishin' stick wet. I axed him, why is ya mad on me, Grampy? Them fisher fellas was callin' you a large mouth ass; I only jus' beed stickin' up for ya. But he sayed what they been talkin' 'bout a BASS fish, not a ass. Which, how does I apposed a know a ass from a bass if I never beed fishin afore? If I doesn't be such a idiot, Grampy sayed what he gonnas take me fishin the nother time. I'm prawly don't wanna eat no more worms anyhow. They was gross.