Today I peed on a fan. Which, that maked a pee pee sprinkler alls over the kitchen where Momma beed bakin' sweeties. She hollered, what in the bloody buckets a hell did you done, George! So I were tryin' for to splain what I beed betendin' what the pee pee sprinkler beed a waterfalls an' I were gonna rescue a big fat whale outta the pee pee waterfalls an' I tole her, you coulda beed the whale, Momma, an' I were gonna been George The Hero Boxer Dog... But then Momma jus' sayed, oh, shut-up you idiot. Mine own Momma. Sayed that to her little boy. I's prawly gonna get growed up all crazy like a rabbit-dog now.

There bees a boy at Sunday School what's named Bruce Wong, an' he bees a Samoyed; 'cept for he gots orange hairs on accident. Today he bited Scabby Doyle acause Scabby were teasin' him an' callin' him Ginger. So Scabby goed cryin' at Mrs. Pearson; an' then Bruce goed cryin' at Mrs. Pearson; an' Mrs. Pearson gotted mad on all two of 'em. She sayed, now boys, two wrongs don't not makes a right. Which, I tole Mrs. Pearson what I agrees. An' I sayed this all prawly bees Bruce's Mommy an' Daddy's fault any ole how. They's growed-ups, I sayed, they should a knowed what two wongs don't not makes a white. I jus' don't not unnerstans how come I beed the only one what hadda go sit in the hall again.

Tonight at supper I telled Grammy what I ain't eatin' no hot dogs, only jus' tater-tots acause there bees a gang a bad mens goin' round the deep woods shootin' up doggies for to make hot dogs out of 'em. That might of beed yous cousint what yous cookin' there, Grammy, I sayed. She axed me where the tarnation has I heared such a stupidass thing like that; an' I tole her, Grampy tole me. Then she sayed, ppfft. Well, Bambi beed shooted in the woods, ya know, I tole her. Grammy's mouth spitted up like a sink full a dishes an' she sayed, Bambi ain't no doggie, George! She bees a gal-danged stripper is all! An' you can tell yous Grampy what I'm bees happy for to boil up that skinny-legged dancin' she-devil like a hot dog any ole day. Which, I ain't the only woman gonna wanna done that, neither. So, I'm prawly don't wanna never eat the nother hot dog on my attire life. A least I still loves my tater-tots.
To the moon on back.

Momma tole me, Georgie, gather up some a yous ole toys for to bonate to the Church's Brassiere. Which; I plays with ever single toy all a time all a time. So I axed Momma, how's 'bout givin' the Church's Brassiere this ugly ole sweater astead? It bees Bazaar, she sayed.  An' I sayed, well it for definite bees ugly; I ain't so sure 'bout Bizarre. No, George, Momma sayed, the Church's Bazaar! Well I couldn't not believe in my ears. An' I tole Momma, too. I sayed why ya gonna go 'round givin' away ugly ole stuff for to be nice an' then be callin' names on the same time? I has never heared the Church callin' you no names.

I hadda tole Momma what I ain't doin' no chores today acause Mrs. Pearson sayed what Sunday bees apposed a be a day a rest. Even God bees restin', I tole her. She up an' sended me to bed. An' she were sayin', ooo, ooo, you must of bees sooo tired, all like a smart pants. Which, that were rude at God's own idea. I thinks what she better be careful 'bout a ball a thunder 'n lightenin' gonna pop up an' stripe her dead. 'Cept for God bees restin' today. She prawly oughta bring a umbrella to work with her tomorrow.

I goed Trick or Treatin' tonight with Clive an' Velma an' it beed the funnest fun ever; 'cept for the terrible part. I beed Count Bracula, an' I were tellin' everbody, I vanna drink up yous blood; an' then they gived me candy! Which, that beed the fun part. Stupid Velma beed the terrible part. Firsty, she hadda go an' been The Bride A Bracula. (Like as if I's ever gonna marry my own cousint.) An' she keeped on sayin', oh, Georgie, does ya wants my candy kisses? I finally hadda tole her, shut-up you ugly thing; for to make her stop. Then I hadda give her three chocolate bars an' a can a pop so's she don't tell on me. But I gots a plan for next Halloween already. I's jus' gonna dress up like Momma, so prawly nobody gonna wanna marry me! I hadda give Momma FIVE chocolate bars after I telled her that. A least I keeped my last nother can a pop.

I hadda taught Momma a lesson today acause she has beed actin' like a smart pants at the park. Snappin' she's fingers an' 'spectin' what I's gonna sit 'n stay, or come 'n go... She prawly thinks what she bees some kinda Magical Blizzard or somethin'. So when we goed out today an' she snapped on me; I thunk, okay, Momma. Ya wanna bees magical? Then I distappeared. She were snappin' like a glamingo dancer, lookin' hither an' tither; atill I besided for to come back. Momma been so worried,  she sayed, Georgie, please don't never distappear like that again! So I tole her, Momma, ya gottsa quit snappin' on me. It bees bareassin'. Ya gottsa treat me like a spectacle human bean. An' she sayed, okay, Georgie. When it were time to go I tole her, you can drive, Momma; I's jus' gonna sit in the back. Now she bees all happy again.