Today I were a magical Unicorn with my magical horn on my head what makes alls everbody's wishes comin' true when ya rubs it. 'Cept for stupid Betsy sayed what I ain't no Unicorn acause they starts off bein'  horsies. Ya don't thinks what yous a horsey does ya George? You jus' bees a Corn Dog, she sayed. So I axed her, is you wearin' them pig tails acause you is a pig, Betsy? She spitted when she talked jus' like Momma do; an' she sayed, I IS A PIXIE! I tole her, well, we must of bees be a great team then; Pixie the Pig an' her magical Horny Headed Corn Dog brother, George. She jus' spinned around an' goed away. Which, guess what? That were zactly my magical wish! I is a very good Corn Dog!

I telled on Betsy today acause she were wearin' a lampshade on her head like a party-girl; so I figured she beed drinkin' outta Grammy's karaoke bowl. But Momma jus' laughed an' sayed, oh, no, Georgie! Betsy has beed spaded, is all. She gottsa wear that cone so's she don't bees pickin' at her decision. Then Betsy tole me what now that her orneries is gone, she can't not catch the PMS no more. That must of bees Pretty Mean Sister, acause she sayed she prawly even gonna be nice to me ever sometimes now. Which, that gived me an' Betsy a idea. We is gonna save up all a Grammy's empty beer bottles atill we gets forty or seventy dollars; an' then we's gonna go an' git Momma spaded, too! Then lucky lucky George gonna be livin' with two nice girls! I can't not hardly wait.

Today at Sunday School, Mrs. Pearson beed teachin' us alls 'bout we gottsa make a choose for where we's gonna go when we bees dead. Seem like there bees a dead dog elebator what can goes way, way sky high into Heaven; an' ya gits to fly aroun' all day long in the clouds an' stuff. Else, the elebator gonna go down, down into the Fiery Spits a Hell; which, Clive sayed what it prawly bees too hot for to take any bideo games there. Then, thirdy, there bees Bimbo in atween the two a them. The dead dog elebator man gonna tole ya if you has beed good or bad; an' then take ya up or down; or in atween if God gottsa think on it for a bit. Me an' Clive has besided for to go to Bimbo so's we can still play our games; an' plus, then we don't all a time has to share, an' be nice, an' listen at our Mommas. All a childrens was tellin' Mrs. Pearson, oh, I is gonna try so hard for to git to Heaven, Mrs. Pearson! I tole her what me an' Clive wanna go to Bimbo. She jus' sayed, that bees fine, George. I thinks what she bees startin' to like me!

Today when I were walkin' Momma, she beed yakity-yakkin' the whole long way atill I finally losed my crackers. If I tried a sniff a tree, she beed all, hurry up, George. So I hurries up an' runs to the nother tree, an' I hadda pretty-near drag her. Then' she beed hollerin' on me for to slow down. Hurry up, slow down, hurry up, slow down. My feets gotted so mixed up they was each all tryin' for to go down different streets.... I hadda make 'em all stop. So Momma tugged on her leash, c'mon, Georgie, she sayed, all maddish. Well, I jus' tole her, I ain't no New Tent Ninja Turtle, Momma; git offa my backside! She jus' looked on me with her head leanin' crooked; an' we goed all a way home without the  nother word outta her. Hmmm. Maybe I do bees a New Tent Ninja Turtle after alls....

I runned over to my cousint Clive's house today acause he hadded a surprise for to show me. Well, I axed, whatcha gots? Clive sayed, I gots a hare, Georgie! Which, I tole him, ya gots a lots a hairs, Clive. No, Georgie, I gots a hare hare; like a bunny only it bees a hare. I catched it with a box an' a stick an' a carrot. An' sure of nuff; there beed a box bouncin' alls 'round the backyard. I lifted it up for to see the hare, an' he popped out hoppin' hither an' tither like he thunk he were gonna win a dancin' prize. I beed screamin' here, Hare; here, Hare... an' Clive were screamin' somebody git a carrot... an' Aunt Spot started screamin' on us for to be quiet out there... An' the hare getted away. An' everbody bees mad on me. That prawly bees whatcha calls a real bad hare day.

 I tole Scabby Doyle I'd give him a fatso Milk Bone for to take a relative on a blind date today; so's I don't gotta bring Betsy to my ball game with me. 'Cept for they don't knows what each the tother bees their dates acause they don't gits along what so all. Betsy bees hopin' what maybe her blind date gonna has a handsome guide dog; an' she's all, git me my lotion, George. Does ya thinks I needs lip glops? Soon as Scabby comed to the door I skeedadled downstairs an' hided ahind the furnace. I heared him sayin', you? You ain't no relative, you's Georgie's big little older sister Betsy. You ain't even blind, git them stupid glasses off! Then Betsy sayed, well I wishes I did beed blind right now Scabfull Doyle. Then the both a them was talkin' 'bout how they's gonna tear me into bits an' pieces; an' then they besided for to go an' have a soda since they was all shiny clean any ole how. I thinks I mighta maked a love match! Momma prawlys gonna kill me.

 

Obee Dance School bees havin' a big ole dancin' show tonight, an' Mrs. Barker have sticked me an' Betsy together for to dance the Bamingo.  That feels like deesgustin' for me, but Momma bees proud as a petunia. When we was all swanked up an' gittin' goin', Betsy all on a sudden wouldn't not git in the car. She tole Momma, George ploblably gonnas make me look stupid when we's dancin' the Plamingal, Momma. Which, I thunk she were lookin' pretty stupid already, so I tole her what she prawly can't not git any stupider lookin'; Bamingo or no Bamingo. Then she sayed I were so stupid acause I bees callin' the Pla-min-gal a Bamingo... an' then Momma yelled, yous two git in the car afore we bees late for the stupid dance! I's a darn good Bamingo dancer, but I might jus' gonna hafta step on a couple a her feets tonight.