Momma tole me, Georgie, gather up some a yous ole toys for to bonate to the Church's Brassiere. Which; I plays with ever single toy all a time all a time. So I axed Momma, how's 'bout givin' the Church's Brassiere this ugly ole sweater astead? It bees Bazaar, she sayed.  An' I sayed, well it for definite bees ugly; I ain't so sure 'bout Bizarre. No, George, Momma sayed, the Church's Bazaar! Well I couldn't not believe in my ears. An' I tole Momma, too. I sayed why ya gonna go 'round givin' away ugly ole stuff for to be nice an' then be callin' names on the same time? I has never heared the Church callin' you no names.

I hadda tole Momma what I ain't doin' no chores today acause Mrs. Pearson sayed what Sunday bees apposed a be a day a rest. Even God bees restin', I tole her. She up an' sended me to bed. An' she were sayin', ooo, ooo, you must of bees sooo tired, all like a smart pants. Which, that were rude at God's own idea. I thinks what she better be careful 'bout a ball a thunder 'n lightenin' gonna pop up an' stripe her dead. 'Cept for God bees restin' today. She prawly oughta bring a umbrella to work with her tomorrow.

I goed Trick or Treatin' tonight with Clive an' Velma an' it beed the funnest fun ever; 'cept for the terrible part. I beed Count Bracula, an' I were tellin' everbody, I vanna drink up yous blood; an' then they gived me candy! Which, that beed the fun part. Stupid Velma beed the terrible part. Firsty, she hadda go an' been The Bride A Bracula. (Like as if I's ever gonna marry my own cousint.) An' she keeped on sayin', oh, Georgie, does ya wants my candy kisses? I finally hadda tole her, shut-up you ugly thing; for to make her stop. Then I hadda give her three chocolate bars an' a can a pop so's she don't tell on me. But I gots a plan for next Halloween already. I's jus' gonna dress up like Momma, so prawly nobody gonna wanna marry me! I hadda give Momma FIVE chocolate bars after I telled her that. A least I keeped my last nother can a pop.

I hadda taught Momma a lesson today acause she has beed actin' like a smart pants at the park. Snappin' she's fingers an' 'spectin' what I's gonna sit 'n stay, or come 'n go... She prawly thinks what she bees some kinda Magical Blizzard or somethin'. So when we goed out today an' she snapped on me; I thunk, okay, Momma. Ya wanna bees magical? Then I distappeared. She were snappin' like a glamingo dancer, lookin' hither an' tither; atill I besided for to come back. Momma been so worried,  she sayed, Georgie, please don't never distappear like that again! So I tole her, Momma, ya gottsa quit snappin' on me. It bees bareassin'. Ya gottsa treat me like a spectacle human bean. An' she sayed, okay, Georgie. When it were time to go I tole her, you can drive, Momma; I's jus' gonna sit in the back. Now she bees all happy again.

Momma never goed to work today. She called in dirty. An' she sayed what it beed all on my fault; 'cept that ain't even true. Weren't not me what leaved all a her clean laundries on the table. A course I thunk it were a snack. Look at what you done, George, she screamed on me. You has tore up all a my clean bras! Which, I never knowed what a flopper stopper bees a bra. I all a time thunk what a flopper stopper only jus' bees a flopper stopper. Even Momma sayed, I can't not go to work floppin' alls over hell's half-acre now, can I? An' she axed me all mad-like does I gots any ideas 'bout how bareassin' it bees for to hafta call in dirty at work. My only idea beed what she prawly shoulda called in floppy, astead.  I's grounded.

Mrs. Pearson maked everbody do a new pray at Sunday School today. We hadda shake a paw with our neighbour an' tell 'em, Go In Peace; else, Peace Be With You. So Clive shaked hims paw on me an' tole me, PISS be with you, neighbour; an' he were talkin' all farm-boyish. Which, I thunk that beed sooo funny; I besided for to tell my neighbour Scabby, Go 'An Piss Up A Tree, why don't ya? 'Cept Mrs. Pearson beed walkin' 'round listenin' on all a childrens. An' my paw gotted stucked up her dress when I were reachin' for my neighbour. Mr. George! She yelled on me. Prayin' at The Lord ain't no cause for to make a deesgustin' joke. I woulda telled her what I beed talkin' to Scabby, not The Lord; but I couldn't not look on her. On account a I jus' seed her undiewears. I thinks what prawly that beed my punishment from God already; but I jus' goed out an' sitted in the hallway any ole how.

Clive letted me be hims best friend for a minute today acause he beed mad on Scabby for eatin' the Frisbee when he were only jus' apposed a catch it, is all. Clive sayed now what we bees best friends, prawly I oughta help him for to buy a new Frisbee. Which, I don't gots no money. But he tole me what Pizza Belibery Boys makes a lot a lot a moneys. So I axed Momma can she cook up some pizzas an' gimme the car keys; an' she sayed, don't not be so stupid, George. So now guess what? I losed my best friend an' my job all on the same time. This have not beed a very good day.