I tole Scabby Doyle I'd give him a fatso Milk Bone for to take a relative on a blind date today; so's I don't gotta bring Betsy to my ball game with me. 'Cept for they don't knows what each the tother bees their dates acause they don't gits along what so all. Betsy bees hopin' what maybe her blind date gonna has a handsome guide dog; an' she's all, git me my lotion, George. Does ya thinks I needs lip glops? Soon as Scabby comed to the door I skeedadled downstairs an' hided ahind the furnace. I heared him sayin', you? You ain't no relative, you's Georgie's big little older sister Betsy. You ain't even blind, git them stupid glasses off! Then Betsy sayed, well I wishes I did beed blind right now Scabfull Doyle. Then the both a them was talkin' 'bout how they's gonna tear me into bits an' pieces; an' then they besided for to go an' have a soda since they was all shiny clean any ole how. I thinks I mighta maked a love match! Momma prawlys gonna kill me.

 

Obee Dance School bees havin' a big ole dancin' show tonight, an' Mrs. Barker have sticked me an' Betsy together for to dance the Bamingo.  That feels like deesgustin' for me, but Momma bees proud as a petunia. When we was all swanked up an' gittin' goin', Betsy all on a sudden wouldn't not git in the car. She tole Momma, George ploblably gonnas make me look stupid when we's dancin' the Plamingal, Momma. Which, I thunk she were lookin' pretty stupid already, so I tole her what she prawly can't not git any stupider lookin'; Bamingo or no Bamingo. Then she sayed I were so stupid acause I bees callin' the Pla-min-gal a Bamingo... an' then Momma yelled, yous two git in the car afore we bees late for the stupid dance! I's a darn good Bamingo dancer, but I might jus' gonna hafta step on a couple a her feets tonight.

Today I tole Grampy what Momma prawly bees makin' me take Betsy for to play on my baseball team, an' that ain't right acause firsty; she bees a girl, an' for the nother thing, she makes me sick. Grampy gived me very good vice 'bout that. Ya gottsa revolt, Georgie, he telled me. Which, that means, I don't gives a ding dang dickens; I ain't doin' it! So I tole Momma jus' that. Plus I sayed, I is revoltin', Momma. An' guess what? Betsy sayed, George, you is ploblably the most revoltin' thing I has ever sawn! So I sayed, why thanks you, Betsy. An' I thunk; Grampy bees right again. Afore ya knows it, me an my big little older sister Betsy prawly gonna bees gettin' along like two ticks on a terrier's tail. I only jus' hadda beed a little bit revoltin'.

I has beed tellin' everbody what my big little older sister's name bees Betsy Wetsy acause I thunk it were funny, so a course she hadda go an' tole on me. Momma sayed, you is a bad boy for to make yous sister cry, George! Which, I tole Momma; well cryin' prawly bees wetsy, don't it? Then I gotted grounded. Girls is so stupid I can't not hardly stand up. An' I is sticked atween stoo-an'-ped jus' like peanut butter an' pyjamas in a sangwitch.

I were tryin' to splain 'bout Momma today to Betsy; but she jus' hadda thunk she beed sooo smart. I sayed what Momma bees like a gummy worm; all sweetie on her outsides, an' then so sour on the insides it gonna make yous teeths bleed. Betsy ping-ponged them pointy ears an' sayed, well, we doesn't eat worms where I comes from. So I tole her, ya prawly don't even knows where ya comes from, Betsy; an' then she sayed, you ploblably don't knows neither. Ha! I comes from right here, I sayed. Hows 'bout ya jus' put yer stupid hat on afore Momma goes an' gits all sour.

Hey guess what? Me an' Momma has abducted a boxer girl for to be my baby sister even know she bees older 'an me. We has besided what her name oughta be Betsy. Betsy bees skinny like the dickens, an' she gots pointy ears, an' she talks all pronouncy like as if she bees a queen or somethin'.  Betsy don't likes me what so all, but Momma sayed, jus' give 'er some time, Georgie. So I tole Betsy, prawly you is gonna love me someday. She jus' sayed, it ain't prawly, you nink-and-poop, it bees de-nounced, ploblably. This ploblably ain't gonna be so much fun.

Me an' Scabby Doyle gotted in trouble today acause we was ' fightin' 'bout who bees handsomest. Scabby thunk what he bees handsomer 'an me, so I tole him, ya don't bees called Scabby acause you's a movie star, ya know, Scabby. He beed arguin' what Scabby ain't even his real name; an' then Momma hollered, boys! Stop yous bickerin'! Which, I has never heared Momma swear like that a front a my friends; but we shutted up all right. An' then guess what we heared? Scabby's Momma. Callin', Scabby, Scabby Doyle; come on home for dinner now. Well, if yous own Momma gonna call you Scabby, prawly everbody gonna knows who bees the handsomest boy. Looks like I winned that bick. Plus, I's handsome.