Today Clive an' Scabby Doyle beed mad on me for some the nother reason, so I hadda play with my maginary friend whats called Bucky The Farm Boy What Can Eat A Cob A Corn Frew A Barbie Wire Fence. Which, I has never seed nobody eat a cob a corn frew a fence afore; so Bucky an' me figured we was gonna try it with Mr. Brown's fence. 'Cept for his fence bees made a wood. Well, Mr. Brown comed over after supper for to visit Momma, an' the next what I knewed, she were screamin' on me like the time I sticked a fork in the toaster. Seem like Mr. Brown sayed what somebody have chewed the daylights outta his wood fence. An' then he sayed what that were me what done it. Momma drugged me out for to took a look, an' sure the nuff; the daylights beed chewed right the heck outta that fence alright. Now we gottsa fix this fence, George, Momma sayed. What the carnation was you thinkin' for to do somethin' like this? I tried a tole her what Bucky done it, but she weren't listenin'. I has never meeted no Bucky afore, she sayed. So I splained 'bout Bucky The Farm Boy What Can Eat A Cob A Corn Frew A Barbie Wire Fence; an' she sayed what me an' Bucky prawly oughta go an' live on a funny farm. Leastwise, I thinks she sayed somethin' like that; she were druggin' me by my ear the whole darn time, so I couldn't hardly hear too good.

I hadded a bad day today on account a Grammy an' Grampy beed in a terrible argue all day long. I still ain't sure what they was even fightin' over. Firsty Grammy sayed, Edward, is ya ever gonna look on that kitchen tap I axed ya to? Grampy sayed, Maisy, if it ain't broke, I don't not fix it. Well, a stitch in time saves nine, Edward, she sayed back on him. Why doesn't you jus' try then Maisy; is yous hands painted on? Maybe I will, Grammy barked. I prawly doesn't need yous help. After alls, a fool with a tool still jus' bees a fool any ole how. Ain't that the pot callin' the kettle black, Grampy sayed right afore he spitted. Oh, why does I even bother, Grammy sayed, everbody knows what ya can't not teach a ole dog new tricks. They keeped on gittin' louder an' louder, and sayin' stuff what beed stupider an' stupider atill I finally axed 'em for to pipe down. Grammy tole me I gots a chip outta my shoulder, an' Grampy sayed what they shoulda throwed me out with the bathwater when I beed a baby. I jus' sayed well, a least yous two ain't fightin' with each the nother now. But Grampy sayed, don't not count yous chickens afore they bees hatched, son... it ain't not over atill the fat lady sings. Then Grammy throwed a plate. Home sweet home.

Betsy denounced today at breakfast what she gonna bees a fashion model, so she can only eat kale smoothies from now goin'. I tole her, Betsy! You's talkin' crazy. Ya looks like a little horsey, not no model. Grampy tole me what I is pretty, she sayed, all handsy-hipsy. Well a course Grampy gonna tole ya that, Betsy, I sayed. He bees blind as a bean bag on account a them cadillacs in his eyes. Bemember, Grammy leaved him acause she's rather has a man what gots cadillacs in his driveway, astead a his head? Betsy, Grampy even tole Momma what she bees a pretty girl! It don't means nothin'. He did? She axed me. He done called Momma pretty? Yeppers. Ya might as well jus' go on an' gobble up that kibble, I tole her. Not gonna make no nevermind. An' that prawly beed the first time what she have ever done like I sayed.

I waked up from my nap today with a nose full a stink; like a pile a dead froggies stirred up with a house on fire. Well I right away quick  runned aroun' screamin' 9-1-1...9-1-1... git outta the house everbody... acause I thunk what I were savin' my family's life. Like a hero. But Momma jus' sayed, why is you makin' such the motion, Georgie? You's actin' all foolish. I tole her, Momma, this place smells like a scary movie. We gottsa git, Momma; there must of bees some kinda poison gas let loose in here. C'mon! For your information, Mr. Smart Alex, Momma sayed, (forout movin' her lips), I is cookin' a new recipe for supper tonight, an' you is gonna eat it, an' you is gonna joy it. Which, no I ain't. I'm rather starve to deaf astead a choke to deaf. Prawly Grampy bees thinkin' the same thing like me, too. I hadda tole him, go find yous own hidey hole, they ain't room for two in here.

Momma gotted mad on me today an' I weren't hardly even doin' nothin' wrong. For fact, I were jus' belaxin' an' watchin' TV. GEORGE MADIGAN! She hollered. How many times does I gottsa tell ya: NO FOOD ON THE COUCH? If you is gonna live under my roof, you is gonna do like I says. Which, I ain't livin' under the roof; we gots a bunch a squirrels livin' there. So I beminded her 'bout that, an' I tole her, they ain't no food on the couch, Momma, only my butts. My mouth bees in the air, see? But she beed so flustered up there weren't no talkin' to her. She jus' grabbed a bottle a water outta her licorice cabinet an' distappeared to her room. I hasn't seed a hidey hair a hers since The Ellen Show. Me an' Betsy is gittin' pretty hungry now; but I sure as shootin' ain't axin' Momma when she gonna git us some supper. Prawly bees a good thing I hadded that snack after alls.