Momma never goed to work today. She called in dirty. An' she sayed what it beed all on my fault; 'cept that ain't even true. Weren't not me what leaved all a her clean laundries on the table. A course I thunk it were a snack. Look at what you done, George, she screamed on me. You has tore up all a my clean bras! Which, I never knowed what a flopper stopper bees a bra. I all a time thunk what a flopper stopper only jus' bees a flopper stopper. Even Momma sayed, I can't not go to work floppin' alls over hell's half-acre now, can I? An' she axed me all mad-like does I gots any ideas 'bout how bareassin' it bees for to hafta call in dirty at work. My only idea beed what she prawly shoulda called in floppy, astead.  I's grounded.

Mrs. Pearson maked everbody do a new pray at Sunday School today. We hadda shake a paw with our neighbour an' tell 'em, Go In Peace; else, Peace Be With You. So Clive shaked hims paw on me an' tole me, PISS be with you, neighbour; an' he were talkin' all farm-boyish. Which, I thunk that beed sooo funny; I besided for to tell my neighbour Scabby, Go 'An Piss Up A Tree, why don't ya? 'Cept Mrs. Pearson beed walkin' 'round listenin' on all a childrens. An' my paw gotted stucked up her dress when I were reachin' for my neighbour. Mr. George! She yelled on me. Prayin' at The Lord ain't no cause for to make a deesgustin' joke. I woulda telled her what I beed talkin' to Scabby, not The Lord; but I couldn't not look on her. On account a I jus' seed her undiewears. I thinks what prawly that beed my punishment from God already; but I jus' goed out an' sitted in the hallway any ole how.

Clive letted me be hims best friend for a minute today acause he beed mad on Scabby for eatin' the Frisbee when he were only jus' apposed a catch it, is all. Clive sayed now what we bees best friends, prawly I oughta help him for to buy a new Frisbee. Which, I don't gots no money. But he tole me what Pizza Belibery Boys makes a lot a lot a moneys. So I axed Momma can she cook up some pizzas an' gimme the car keys; an' she sayed, don't not be so stupid, George. So now guess what? I losed my best friend an' my job all on the same time. This have not beed a very good day.

Today I gotted gussied up for to sure show that Clive an' Scabby Doyle what I ain't no idiot like they's all a time sayin'. But when I telled them I has beed beclared the  Number One Boxer Boy of East Windsor of The World... They laughed on me. Then they called me liar liar pants on fire. But I didn't not care, acause I were betendin' they was ducks. Which, Grampy telled me that trick. So I jus' only heared; quackity quack, duck, duck, in my brains; atill they sayed what my nose bees like a telephone wire. Then all a my duck thinkin' runned outta my mouth an' I tole 'em: Clive an' Scabby, yous bees ducks. An' yous noses is as big as F***. Plus, yous pants is too long. Momma prawly's gonna wanna kill me when she finds out 'bout this. 'Cept for, I's gonna bemind her 'bout I bees the Number One Boxer Boy. Prawly gonna keep my hat on for a couple or a few days.

I were beggin' Momma today for to please, please, git me some bracelets on my teeths; acause all a girls at Obee Dance School has beed teasin' me 'bout Georgie Peorgie kissin' the girls an' makin' 'em cry.  They was sayin' all a girls is gonna cry acause my alligator teeths is gonna stick up thems nose when I kisses 'em. Momma sayed, oh, Georgie, they ain't no such thing like bracelets for doggie teeths. She tole me, don't not listen on them silly girls, Georgie. You is a handsome boxer boy. You's always gonna has Momma here for to kiss you. Which, that jus' feels like deesgusstin'. But I never sayed nothin'; acause prawly Momma gonna cry if she knowed that. An' I's tryin' very hard for to stop kissin' on girls an' makin' 'em cry.