Today when I were walkin' Momma she beed goin' so slow, an' her leash were tuggin' on my neck so hard what I finally axed her, is ya tryin' a decaffeinate me or somethin', Momma? Pick up them feets an' walk, would ya? Then Momma tole me what her feets bees too sore on account a she gots a thritis in 'em. So I tole her, well, git that thritis outta there an' let's go! But it don't works like that, she sayed. I's gonna gotta git to the doctor; I prawly needs a drug for to fix it. Well I jus thunk, Momma don't needs no doctor; I can drug her right the heck now! An' then I done zactly that. I drugged her roun' that whole tire block, cryin' an' all; faster 'an I has ever ever goed afore. I didn't even nevermind 'bout my poor lil neck, neither. An' guess what? Not the nother word outta her 'bout that ole thritis! That must of beed a good ole miracle drug what I gived Momma!

Mrs. Pearson comed to Sunday School today with her dress on crookit, an' her hair all lookin' like funder an' lightenin'.  Yous childrens gottsa save yous soles, she beed tellin' us very loudish. Which, I sayed, well, I ain't worried 'bout my soles, Mrs. Pearson, acause Momma prawly gonna jus' git me some new shoes if my soles bees wored out. GEORGE MADIGAN! I is talkin' 'bout the unvisible SOUL what God have putted in yous belly. What is full a lovin' kindness an' goodness, an' you sure the heck dang best of be thinkin' 'bout savin' yous SOUL, young man. She hollered so hard  my toes was jigglin'. So now I is savin' up alls my lovin' kindness for the Soul Train To Heaven. I tole Betsy what she bees too fat for to wear her bathin' suit an' maked her cry. Then I tole Scabby Doyle what nobody likes him, an' his Momma looks like a man. If I woulda knowed it coulda beed so easy for to be pleasin' to the Lord Of High, I prawly woulda started a couple weeks ago.