Today I peed on a fan. Which, that maked a pee pee sprinkler alls over the kitchen where Momma beed bakin' sweeties. She hollered, what in the bloody buckets a hell did you done, George! So I were tryin' for to splain what I beed betendin' what the pee pee sprinkler beed a waterfalls an' I were gonna rescue a big fat whale outta the pee pee waterfalls an' I tole her, you coulda beed the whale, Momma, an' I were gonna been George The Hero Boxer Dog... But then Momma jus' sayed, oh, shut-up you idiot. Mine own Momma. Sayed that to her little boy. I's prawly gonna get growed up all crazy like a rabbit-dog now.

There bees a boy at Sunday School what's named Bruce Wong, an' he bees a Samoyed; 'cept for he gots orange hairs on accident. Today he bited Scabby Doyle acause Scabby were teasin' him an' callin' him Ginger. So Scabby goed cryin' at Mrs. Pearson; an' then Bruce goed cryin' at Mrs. Pearson; an' Mrs. Pearson gotted mad on all two of 'em. She sayed, now boys, two wrongs don't not makes a right. Which, I tole Mrs. Pearson what I agrees. An' I sayed this all prawly bees Bruce's Mommy an' Daddy's fault any ole how. They's growed-ups, I sayed, they should a knowed what two wongs don't not makes a white. I jus' don't not unnerstans how come I beed the only one what hadda go sit in the hall again.

Tonight at supper I telled Grammy what I ain't eatin' no hot dogs, only jus' tater-tots acause there bees a gang a bad mens goin' round the deep woods shootin' up doggies for to make hot dogs out of 'em. That might of beed yous cousint what yous cookin' there, Grammy, I sayed. She axed me where the tarnation has I heared such a stupidass thing like that; an' I tole her, Grampy tole me. Then she sayed, ppfft. Well, Bambi beed shooted in the woods, ya know, I tole her. Grammy's mouth spitted up like a sink full a dishes an' she sayed, Bambi ain't no doggie, George! She bees a gal-danged stripper is all! An' you can tell yous Grampy what I'm bees happy for to boil up that skinny-legged dancin' she-devil like a hot dog any ole day. Which, I ain't the only woman gonna wanna done that, neither. So, I'm prawly don't wanna never eat the nother hot dog on my attire life. A least I still loves my tater-tots.
To the moon on back.