MISSUS MOMMA

Ever night me an' Momma watches TV. An' ever night I never gets a see nothin' what I loves. Like; I loves The Marica Nidol. But Momma all a time bees sayin'  oh, no, Georgie, my Grayson Attamee bees on now. Then she wannas has me cuddle on her. Else she gottsa stick her feets all over me. So today I besided, not no more a that, Missus Momma. I maked me a footie fence so Momma gottsa keeps her feets on her own self. An' if she wannas rub my belly she prawlys gonna got a sliver astead. Then if Momma axes me how come you have maked a footie fence, Georgie? I's gonna tole her 'bout she gottsa stop actin' like as if she owns me.

GONE BANANAS

Grampy maked a big fight with me today jus' acause I were bein' The Banana Man. He sayed, firsty, Georgie, ya ain't apposed a play with food. An' for the nother thing, ya looks foolish with them bananas on yous head. So I tole him, I isn't playin', Grampy. I bees The Banana Man. An' then I done some a my banana talk on him. Has ya ever banana train, Grampy? Banana play some cards? Banana buy a banana? Grampy beed so mad he tried a chomp my ear, but he gotted a banana astead. So I tole him, that bees twenty cents, please. Banana buy two for a dollar? Which, maybe I oughta gived him three for a dollar; acause he charged on me, an' now there bees furs an' bananas alls over the livin' room. Momma gonnas kill me. Prawly she won't not believe what it ain't my fault what Grampy goed bananas.

SOMETHIN' WRONG

Somethin' beed wrong with Momma today. Alls on a sudden she gotted to huggin' on me real hard. Like as if she gonnas fell outta the tree or somethin'. Then she sayed, thanks you, Georgie. An' I sayed, huh? Oh, jus' thanks you for bein' you, is all. Which, I thunk, a course I is me. Then I thunk, do I bees wearin' a disguise? All a whole time Momma beed starin' on me like she wannas eat me for dinner. Then I thunk, if she only jus' knows what I bees me right now.... Who the Christmas Cripes do she thunk she beed sleepin' with last night? I is sleepin' on the floor tonight. Prawly at the front door. Prawly I's gonna stay there atill she gots that creepy look outta she's face.

TIT FOR TAT

Me an' Momma hadded a tit-for-tat fight today acause I is sick to deaf 'bout my feets gots salt stains on 'em all a time an' Momma won't not buy me no boots acause I eated my nother ones. Which, them boots beed too small anyhows. So I tole Momma, fine, well I ain't takin' you for no more walks, then. An' she sayed, good. How's 'bout you jus' git to bed, smarty-pants. An' I sayed, good. Prawly I's gonna poop on yous pillow. Then Momma's face sploded an' she hollered, GITABEDNOW! So I up an' gotted gone alright. I figures what Momma really bees so mad acause she's tits ain't near as good as my tats. I winned.

Yesterday a big bully whats called Morty Rottenweiller tole me, you ain't no boxer dog George,  you must of bees a mon-go-loid. 'An then everbody beed laughin' on me. I sayed I is too a boxer dog. But Morty sayed what real boxers all a time gots cauliflower ears 'an my ears looks like socks so I ain't not no kinda boxer. So I sure showed that bad breath bully somethin' today. I maked mine own cauliflower ears 'an I marched right up on him 'an I axed him, does ya still wanna says what I's a marigold, tough guy? Morty only jus' sayed, you is a idiot, George. If only I didn't not been so ascared a him I woulda gonna show him what kinda marigold idiot he bees talkin' to.

 I hadda tole Momma a lie today an' this bees how come: I has beed learnin' for to blow bubbles outta bubblegum. I were doin' pretty very good. Atill I beed blowin' bubbles in bed an' then I felled asleep on accident an' when I waked up my head beed stucked on the pillow. Momma keeped axin me, George, how come you is carryin' my pillow alls 'round?

 I keeped sayin', I is tired today, Momma. Else she gonna kill me. Finally I gotted braved up an'I jus' stepped on that pillow an' teared my head right offa it. 'Cept most a my ear stayed stucked on the pillow. Looks like a mouse bees takin' a nap.  But I is jus' gonna tell Momma, betcha never seed a boxer boy what can blow bubbles afore, right? Then she prawlys gonna kill me to deaf any ole hows.