So my Grammy's real name is Bob Sandcock. True story. She tells everbody that it's Maisy, but my cousin Clive showed me her kennel papers. Says right on em. NAME: BOB SANDCOCK. Me and Clive was giggling so hard about Grammy Bob when Grampy comed in and asked us, what's so funny, boys? So I says, Grampy, did ya date very many fellas afore you married Grammy? He spinned around and bit me on my butt faster than you can spit. I ain't saying the name of Bob Sandcock in front of Grampy never ever again. I gots a limp now.

So I gotted tricked, and I made a trick for Halloween. I tole Momma I doesn't look very like a scary mummy, Momma. She sayed you's a NUN, Georgie, not a mummy. A nun what's a girl? I says. What prays all the day and teaches grade two? And Momma sayed time to go, George. But a least I gotted a nip outta ole Mrs. Leboeuf and she went Yip, Yip... that little girl just bited me on my finger! After that I beed a happy tricky nun all night long.

Momma sayed I gots to pull some manners outta my purse and use 'em when Mrs. Hopkins comes to visit. So I sits there all mannerish while she pulls at my cheeks like she's gonna make taffy outta my face. Oh! It's you, Georgie! I thought you was the Easter Bunny with them floppy ole ears... She says that ever time. But I never says, oh, I thunk you was a donkey on account of them big ole teeth of yours. Nope. I tole Momma that woman's gonna use up all the manners in my purse; but she says the more I use 'em, the more I'll have. Weird. I wish I had a liver-snap satchel.

So Momma maked me the ugliest winter coat I ever seen. And I gots to wear it, she says, else I'll catch my deaf of cold. Well I gots big ears to stop the cold, Momma, I tole her. Or gimme a hat if you is so worried 'bout me catching deaf. A boxer dog can't go out in that grocery-bag coat. This is a lovely Lumberjack Coat, George. You looks like Paul Bunion, she says. Grammy gots bunions, and she all the time hides her feets acause theys so ugly. YOU WILL WEAR THE COAT GEORGE. So I does, acause I seen foamy spit in her mouth when she sayed that.

So I beed sent to my room today acause I ate a dryer sheet on accident. And then it puked up all mountain fresh on Momma's underthings. Momma says she's gonna take me to Obee Dance School so's they can teach me a thing or two. I smiled inside my face, (acause she beed so mad), but I thinks I'll like dancing. Anyhow, Grampy calls me crazy legs even though he can't hardly see 'em. Maybe dancing will make me forget alls about eating stuff.

Sunglasses is important. My Grampy wouldn't never wear sunglasses and now he bees half-blind. He losed his job as a guard dog. Then he just drinked and drinked and drinked until one day he stumbled out in front of a kid on a bike and now he's in a wheelchair. Grampy felt so bad about that poor kid that he quitted drinkin. Which is good. But Grammy left him over the whole affair. And he still bees half-blind.