Momma bees all a time gettin' mad on me acause I gots a chase ever squirrel what I sees and I is draggin' her too hard on her leash. She don't unnerstans what squirrels gots radar what goes right inside a my head and then my legs just gets goin' all by theys selves. So I avented a special Squirrel Radar Blocker Hat for to keep them outta my head; 'cept it don't not works acause I never knewed it, but they gets in through my eyes even. Today Momma sayed maybe she gots a strap me into the moron seat in a shoppin' cart and take me clackity-clack down the sidewalk and everbody gonna say, hey, do that bees George the boxer dog in that moron seat? Do that bees what you wants Georgie? She axed me. Which, no, it ain't. So I shutted my eyes for to keep them fur-coat rats out; and then a course I hadda walk slow, acause I couldn't not see nothin'. Prawly I were lookin' like a moron any ole how; but I doesn't knows, acause my eyes beed slammed shut.

Today at Sunday School Mrs. Pearson teached us for to be grateful for everthins' what we haves. So when she axed, do anybody can help me with the garbage today? I putted up my hand for to show her what I bees full a great, just like she been sayin'. But then I thunk, why does I gonna waste all this good garbage? I oughts a eat it astead. When Mrs. Pearson catched me eatin' up the garbage, she screamed on me, Georgie! What the earths is you thinkin'? I tole her what I beed thinkin' on poor puppies what don't gots a get a eat good garbage like this. She sayed, go wipe off yous face; and don't not be smart with me, young man. So I sayed, duh, okee dokee,  Mrs. Pearson. And I were talkin' all stupidish. Which, that maked her madder on madder; and prawly I's pretty darn sure what she gonna tole Momma on me.

Today I eated Momma's glasses and she sayed don't me dare say what I eated 'em on accident; and it weren't no accident. But if I tells the holy truths and don't not lies, Momma all a time says what I isn't gonna get in trouble. Momma breaked the rules. She were screamin' on me like a jungle monkey what gotted hims banana stealed by a big ole ape. She sayed she never seed such a mess of a pair a glasses afore. So I tole her, Momma, you can has my Rock Star glasses what I winned at Scabby Doyle's birthday party; they isn't a mess. No, George, she sayed. I needs subscription glasses for to see. I can't not see nothin' without 'em. Which, I thunk, how come can she sees what them glasses bees a mess if she can't not see without them messy glasses? Prawly she don't not needs 'em what so all. She just bees makin' a monkey fuss over nothin'.

Grammy likes a sip on cocks tails ever time it bees the humps day. And her girls comes over and they sips cocks tails, too. And they plays cards and talks dirty. But today Grammy bees tic-toc crazy shinin' up the house for to make it looks like a magazine. She sayed it bees acause the new girl, Bijou Laurette Finkel bees comin' over and Grammy don't wants her to think what we lives like dogs. How come this Bijou bees so special, Grammy? I axed her. Not Bijou, George, she sayed. Bijou Laurette Finkel. She gots THREE names. And she lives in that big fancy Finkel house. And she gets her hairs did at the Doggie Saloon. So I tole Grammy, well, yous real name bees Grammy Bob Sandcock; bemember? So you is fancy, too! She just sayed what I better go and tell Momma what she wants me. So I goed and I tole her. She didn't not wants me. Prawly Grammy were ascared what I beed gonna tell fancy pantsy Bijou what Grammy gots three names, too. Prawly ole fancy pantsy woulda gotted all jealous on Grammy. Grammy Bob Sandcock, I mean.

 

 

Today has beed the first time what I ever seed Grampy in the dumps. He were sittin' at the kitchen table with hims blind ole eyes just a starin' hard on a rusty wored out picture. I axed him, who is ya lookin' at, Grampy? And he tole me what he used of loves a dancin' girl what beed called Honolulu Hilda the Hula Dance Girl. He sayed what she were the beautiest grass shaker he ever did seed; but all a boys all a time wanted for to date her, and so she dated 'em all. Finally I couldn't not take no more a that, Georgie, he tole me, and so I sayed Aloha, and beed on my way. Which, I doesn't knows why he sayed hello when he beed leavin'; but I just axed him, where do she bees now, Grampy? Then hims eye dripped a tear and hims lips quibered. He sayed what over time her grass skirt growed into a haystack as big as the three little pigs house; and I sayed, Yikes! So then she gotted moved into the kitchen for to cook burgers acause she couldn't not shake her grass no more. Then last night her haystack gotted splashed with grease, and she lighted up like a stack a newspapers. Poof. Grampy just stared on me all sad and red eyes and quiberin' and I didn't not has a clue what to say. Finally I tole him, well, I sure is sorry for to hear 'bout yous old flame, Grampy. He blewed up in a sputter a cryin' like a volcano. He couldn't not hardly talk; but I's pretty sure he sayed, go on home, you moron. So I leaved. It bees OK what he called me a moron; I knows he bees sad.

ONE NEW FAVOURITE WORD

AND THEN I USES IT IN A SENTENCE

 

1. CROTCHETY

 

A CROTCHETY ole man don't means what he gots a big crotch, it only means what he bees cranky; and maybe even he bees so CROTCHETY all acause hims crotch ain't big what so all.

Today at Sunday School, Mrs. Pearson telled us a story what beed apposed a make our minds all easy for to know what God bees takin' care a us forever 'n ever amen. But now I is very very worried acause we heared 'bout one time there beed two hundred hungry peoples at the park; and even know Jesus only hadded two fishies, He maked a miracle and feeded everbody millions a globes and fishies atill they beed all filled up. I hates fish. And maybe everbody in heaven hasn't never heared 'bout peanut butter. So if I bees lost and hungry one day and all on a sudden globes and fishes bees fallin' outta the sky... well, I's prawly gonna starve to deaf. My mind ain't on easy what so all.