We gots a new girl at Obee Dance School whats name bees Bella; an' Mrs. Barker sayed what everbody oughta make her comferble. So I sayed, hi Bella, I is George. An' then I sayed, how's 'bout a little kiss? Acause she bees the beautifullest poodle of a girl I has ever seed. Bella tole me, George, I'm rather pour boiling oil in my ears. So I axed her, well, how's 'bout after yous done with the oil? An' she sayed, then, I'm rather stick pins in my eyes. Well, when yous done with yous eyes an' yous ears, ya wanna gimme a little kiss then? I'm rather git eated up alls over by a gazillion giant fleas atill all my shiny curls falls off, she tole me. Well, then my magination gotted in my eyes an' alls I was seein' were this scabby red eye droopy ear girl an' I thunk what she bees way too ugly for kissin'on; so I jus' goed away. I's prawly never gonna unnerstan them girls. That Bella bees pretty-lookin' jus' the way she bees. She don't needs to be doin' all that fixin' up for to git prettier. Jus' bees too much pretty-fixin', I say.

So I taked Momma for her walk today an' we beed havin' a nice ole time sniffin' out all a news 'bout who has beed where in the neighbours hood. All a trees was screamin' up my nose, pee on meeee! No, pee on meeee, each the nother one sayed. An' that beed all fine as dandy atill we gotted 'bout half the quarter ways home; then Momma gotted to tuggin' on her leash to beat the band. C'mon, George, hurry up! C'mon, George. I gived her my eyeballs what says, I's a little busy right now; an' then she pretty near breaked  my hang dang neck. C'MON GEORGE I HAS TO PEE! Well, what the carnation, I thunk. We prawly has jus' goed passed fifty or a hundred trees. But a course, my Momma gottsa go home an' pee in the fountain. Which, that have maked my incision. I quits! From now on, I's jus' takin' my own self out walkin'. Leave Momma at home. I's gonna hafta git her some big girl diapers astead. Yup. Big fat girl diapers.

I eated the Elf On The Shelf's eyeballs today acause he has beed spyin' on me; an' he prawly were gonna tole Santy for to jus' give me a ole rock in my sock. Then Betsy gotted to cryin' all over the place an' Momma gotted mad; an' I hadda go sit in my room an' think about my own self. An' guess what? I did done that thinkin'; an' I thunk up a great idea. Which, that bees... TA-DAAA... Boxer In A Bag! I sayed, see Betsy? You don't gottsa cry no more acause the Boxer In A Bag gonna be watchin' out for Santy now. She, sayed, you is a idiot, George. So I tole her, that bees okay. Santy jus' don't brings toys for bad childrens, he gots no problems 'bout bringin' presents to idiots. So there! An', plus, you prawly better wanna be a little bit nicer to the Boxer In A Bag.

 

Me an' Betsy hadded a kerfuffle today; so, a course when Momma gotted home from work, the place were lookin' a little kerfufflish. I tried a tole Momma, it bees alright, Momma, we has maked up an' everthin' alreadies; but she beed so mad on us she weren't listenin'. Then she sayed, I'm prawly rather has a couple a goldfishes astead a yous two morons makin' messes all a time. Which, that weren't not nice what so all. So, know what I done? I right out pooped in the bathtub! For to teach Momma. Do this bees whatcha wants, Momma? Pets what's gonna poop in they's own water dish an' then go swimmin' in it all day long? Momma beed so sorry what she busted out cryin'. So I sayed all gentle, go on an' git yous leash, Momma. Let's git you a little fresh hair; then you can clean up this mess when we gits back. An' don't not you worry, Momma; me an' Betsy ain't never goin' nowheres! Poor Momma cried an' cried all a ways down the street. She beminded me 'bout the little piggy what sayed weee weee weee all a ways home! I sure the shootin' ain't gonna tole her that.

Ever time I's walkin' Momma, peoples is stoppin' an' sayin', why, that bees a mighty fine lookin' boxer what ya gots there! I used of thunk, ain't you a sharp-eyed bag a rice! Momma ain't no boxer. But then Momma tole me what they's talkin' 'bout me. How the haystack do everbody knows what I bees a boxer, Momma, I axed her. Well, when I finded out what boxers all looks the same one to the nother one; that bees when I besided for to turn Gotholick. So now I is lookin' all black an' sad an' mad an' artsy fartsy for to be a different self a my own. Which, Betsy sayed I is a idiot. So I tole her, a least I don't looks like you no more; I looks Gotholick.  Then she sayed what I prawly don't even knows what Gotholick bees apposed of look like. HA! I tole her. I KNOWS I looks Gotholick; acause Gotholicky folks all looks the sa..a... I quitted right there an' jus' tole her to shut up astead. I hates girls.

Today Betsy were plainin' 'bout how come Momma don't puts fresh water in her dish all a time, all a time. So I tole her, well, jus' go git yous self a drink outta the fountain, stuipid. She beed lookin' at me with her face on all crooked, so I sayed, the fountain... you knows... in the bathroom. Ya means the toilet? She axed. Call it whatever fancy name ya wants, I tole her. Leastwise I ain't thirsty an' plainin'. Ya knows what Momma pees an' poops in the toilet, right? She axed, all teacherish. No she don't! She sit downs an' doos criss-cross puzzles is all, I tole her. Then Betsy screamed on me, MOMMA POOPS AN' PEES IN THE HOUSE, GEORGE!! Where has you beed? Now I gots a bad spot in my brains worser than bubblegum sticked in my hair what prawly ain't never gonna go away. I can prawly unnerstans if Momma bees all bareassed 'bout she ain't house-trained too good; but for to poop in the family water fountain? Deesgustin'!

Me an' Scabby Doyle is apposed a be the Three Wisemen for our Sunday School Christmas Becital tonight an' we don't even gits a talk or nothin'. 'Cept for I has beed practicin' in secret, an' when I walks in the barn, I's gonna say: I gots a gift here for Murray the baby. Betsy heared me an' she sayed, it bees a gift a MYRRH for the baby, George. You's so stupid, Mrs. Pearson shoulda maked you a cow astead a the Wiseman. So I tole her, well, you ain't hardly no Blasted Bargain Mary neither, Betsy. All a food you eats 'round here, no wonders what they's always gottsa take a whole wall outta the barn. You prawly shoulda beed a pig astead. Momma gotted to cryin' acause we is takin' the joy outta Christmas; an' she don't wants her childrens bein' cows an' pigs in the manger. So we shutted up then. Neither two of us don't even knows what the heck a manger bees.