Me an' Betsy hadded a kerfuffle today; so, a course when Momma gotted home from work, the place were lookin' a little kerfufflish. I tried a tole Momma, it bees alright, Momma, we has maked up an' everthin' alreadies; but she beed so mad on us she weren't listenin'. Then she sayed, I'm prawly rather has a couple a goldfishes astead a yous two morons makin' messes all a time. Which, that weren't not nice what so all. So, know what I done? I right out pooped in the bathtub! For to teach Momma. Do this bees whatcha wants, Momma? Pets what's gonna poop in they's own water dish an' then go swimmin' in it all day long? Momma beed so sorry what she busted out cryin'. So I sayed all gentle, go on an' git yous leash, Momma. Let's git you a little fresh hair; then you can clean up this mess when we gits back. An' don't not you worry, Momma; me an' Betsy ain't never goin' nowheres! Poor Momma cried an' cried all a ways down the street. She beminded me 'bout the little piggy what sayed weee weee weee all a ways home! I sure the shootin' ain't gonna tole her that.

Ever time I's walkin' Momma, peoples is stoppin' an' sayin', why, that bees a mighty fine lookin' boxer what ya gots there! I used of thunk, ain't you a sharp-eyed bag a rice! Momma ain't no boxer. But then Momma tole me what they's talkin' 'bout me. How the haystack do everbody knows what I bees a boxer, Momma, I axed her. Well, when I finded out what boxers all looks the same one to the nother one; that bees when I besided for to turn Gotholick. So now I is lookin' all black an' sad an' mad an' artsy fartsy for to be a different self a my own. Which, Betsy sayed I is a idiot. So I tole her, a least I don't looks like you no more; I looks Gotholick.  Then she sayed what I prawly don't even knows what Gotholick bees apposed of look like. HA! I tole her. I KNOWS I looks Gotholick; acause Gotholicky folks all looks the sa..a... I quitted right there an' jus' tole her to shut up astead. I hates girls.

Today Betsy were plainin' 'bout how come Momma don't puts fresh water in her dish all a time, all a time. So I tole her, well, jus' go git yous self a drink outta the fountain, stuipid. She beed lookin' at me with her face on all crooked, so I sayed, the fountain... you knows... in the bathroom. Ya means the toilet? She axed. Call it whatever fancy name ya wants, I tole her. Leastwise I ain't thirsty an' plainin'. Ya knows what Momma pees an' poops in the toilet, right? She axed, all teacherish. No she don't! She sit downs an' doos criss-cross puzzles is all, I tole her. Then Betsy screamed on me, MOMMA POOPS AN' PEES IN THE HOUSE, GEORGE!! Where has you beed? Now I gots a bad spot in my brains worser than bubblegum sticked in my hair what prawly ain't never gonna go away. I can prawly unnerstans if Momma bees all bareassed 'bout she ain't house-trained too good; but for to poop in the family water fountain? Deesgustin'!

Me an' Scabby Doyle is apposed a be the Three Wisemen for our Sunday School Christmas Becital tonight an' we don't even gits a talk or nothin'. 'Cept for I has beed practicin' in secret, an' when I walks in the barn, I's gonna say: I gots a gift here for Murray the baby. Betsy heared me an' she sayed, it bees a gift a MYRRH for the baby, George. You's so stupid, Mrs. Pearson shoulda maked you a cow astead a the Wiseman. So I tole her, well, you ain't hardly no Blasted Bargain Mary neither, Betsy. All a food you eats 'round here, no wonders what they's always gottsa take a whole wall outta the barn. You prawly shoulda beed a pig astead. Momma gotted to cryin' acause we is takin' the joy outta Christmas; an' she don't wants her childrens bein' cows an' pigs in the manger. So we shutted up then. Neither two of us don't even knows what the heck a manger bees.

Grampy comed over tonight wearin' a disguise, so I tole him, you's a day early, Grampy; Halloween ain't atill tomorrow! He sayed, I doesn't give a hang dang 'bout no Hallow-freakin'ween, Georgie. I don't want nobody to rekanize me on account a the mess what Clarence, that gallbladder of a barber have made a me. He were jus' apposed a give me a buzz cut like the young fellers gits; now look at my butts! Well, poor Grampy's butts beed pokin' out pinker than a fresh-spanked baboon. Oh... that do bees pretty short, Grampy, I sayed. But Momma all a time says what the only difference atween a good haircut an' a bad one bees six weeks, so... ya only gottsa be bareassed 'bout yous bare-ass for a little while, Grampy. Then I runned fast fast an' putted a blanket on the couch afore he sitted on it. Prawly gonna hafta have a blanket on that couch for a good six weeks, too, I figure.

Today I tried a nicely tell my big little older sister Betsy what she oughta chew on a bone or drink some a Grammy's mint tea or somethin'. See all a them crinkly leaves on a ground? I axed her. You's stinky breath have knocked 'em all offa the trees, I sayed. Well a course, she hadda go cryin' on Momma 'bout George bees such a meanie-ass; then Momma hadda go an' git mad all over me. But Momma, I tole her, I can smell Betsy's breath ten minutes after she have leaved the room. Momma sayed, oh, Georgie, jus' hushshsh.... an' I couldn't not believe my nose. Seem like Momma done been drinkin' outta Betsy's water bowl. I's prawly gonna hafta turn into a outside doggie. Elsewise them girls is gonna snuffocate me to deaf.

So Betsy tole Momma what she ain't bein' nobody's Bride a Bracula for our big Tricky Treaty party at Obee Dance School tonight. I don't not fink it bees ploper for to beg for bon bons, she sayed. So Momma sayed, fine, then. Georgie, put this dress on. Which, I thunk I were gonna been a Blue Jay; but Momma axed me, does ya wanna go, or doesn't ya? Well, a course I wants to git candy, so I putted on the dress. I has besided that if the boys is gonna tease me, I's jus' gonna talk all squeaky an' tell 'em, oh, you must of bees mistakin'. I is my big little older sister Betsy. An' that prawly makes me for to be the only girl I knows what ain't stupid!