I eated the Elf On The Shelf's eyeballs today acause he has beed spyin' on me; an' he prawly were gonna tole Santy for to jus' give me a ole rock in my sock. Then Betsy gotted to cryin' all over the place an' Momma gotted mad; an' I hadda go sit in my room an' think about my own self. An' guess what? I did done that thinkin'; an' I thunk up a great idea. Which, that bees... TA-DAAA... Boxer In A Bag! I sayed, see Betsy? You don't gottsa cry no more acause the Boxer In A Bag gonna be watchin' out for Santy now. She, sayed, you is a idiot, George. So I tole her, that bees okay. Santy jus' don't brings toys for bad childrens, he gots no problems 'bout bringin' presents to idiots. So there! An', plus, you prawly better wanna be a little bit nicer to the Boxer In A Bag.

 

Me an' Betsy hadded a kerfuffle today; so, a course when Momma gotted home from work, the place were lookin' a little kerfufflish. I tried a tole Momma, it bees alright, Momma, we has maked up an' everthin' alreadies; but she beed so mad on us she weren't listenin'. Then she sayed, I'm prawly rather has a couple a goldfishes astead a yous two morons makin' messes all a time. Which, that weren't not nice what so all. So, know what I done? I right out pooped in the bathtub! For to teach Momma. Do this bees whatcha wants, Momma? Pets what's gonna poop in they's own water dish an' then go swimmin' in it all day long? Momma beed so sorry what she busted out cryin'. So I sayed all gentle, go on an' git yous leash, Momma. Let's git you a little fresh hair; then you can clean up this mess when we gits back. An' don't not you worry, Momma; me an' Betsy ain't never goin' nowheres! Poor Momma cried an' cried all a ways down the street. She beminded me 'bout the little piggy what sayed weee weee weee all a ways home! I sure the shootin' ain't gonna tole her that.