Grampy comed over tonight wearin' a disguise, so I tole him, you's a day early, Grampy; Halloween ain't atill tomorrow! He sayed, I doesn't give a hang dang 'bout no Hallow-freakin'ween, Georgie. I don't want nobody to rekanize me on account a the mess what Clarence, that gallbladder of a barber have made a me. He were jus' apposed a give me a buzz cut like the young fellers gits; now look at my butts! Well, poor Grampy's butts beed pokin' out pinker than a fresh-spanked baboon. Oh... that do bees pretty short, Grampy, I sayed. But Momma all a time says what the only difference atween a good haircut an' a bad one bees six weeks, so... ya only gottsa be bareassed 'bout yous bare-ass for a little while, Grampy. Then I runned fast fast an' putted a blanket on the couch afore he sitted on it. Prawly gonna hafta have a blanket on that couch for a good six weeks, too, I figure.

Today I tried a nicely tell my big little older sister Betsy what she oughta chew on a bone or drink some a Grammy's mint tea or somethin'. See all a them crinkly leaves on a ground? I axed her. You's stinky breath have knocked 'em all offa the trees, I sayed. Well a course, she hadda go cryin' on Momma 'bout George bees such a meanie-ass; then Momma hadda go an' git mad all over me. But Momma, I tole her, I can smell Betsy's breath ten minutes after she have leaved the room. Momma sayed, oh, Georgie, jus' hushshsh.... an' I couldn't not believe my nose. Seem like Momma done been drinkin' outta Betsy's water bowl. I's prawly gonna hafta turn into a outside doggie. Elsewise them girls is gonna snuffocate me to deaf.

So Betsy tole Momma what she ain't bein' nobody's Bride a Bracula for our big Tricky Treaty party at Obee Dance School tonight. I don't not fink it bees ploper for to beg for bon bons, she sayed. So Momma sayed, fine, then. Georgie, put this dress on. Which, I thunk I were gonna been a Blue Jay; but Momma axed me, does ya wanna go, or doesn't ya? Well, a course I wants to git candy, so I putted on the dress. I has besided that if the boys is gonna tease me, I's jus' gonna talk all squeaky an' tell 'em, oh, you must of bees mistakin'. I is my big little older sister Betsy. An' that prawly makes me for to be the only girl I knows what ain't stupid!