Ever time I's walkin' Momma, peoples is stoppin' an' sayin', why, that bees a mighty fine lookin' boxer what ya gots there! I used of thunk, ain't you a sharp-eyed bag a rice! Momma ain't no boxer. But then Momma tole me what they's talkin' 'bout me. How the haystack do everbody knows what I bees a boxer, Momma, I axed her. Well, when I finded out what boxers all looks the same one to the nother one; that bees when I besided for to turn Gotholick. So now I is lookin' all black an' sad an' mad an' artsy fartsy for to be a different self a my own. Which, Betsy sayed I is a idiot. So I tole her, a least I don't looks like you no more; I looks Gotholick.  Then she sayed what I prawly don't even knows what Gotholick bees apposed of look like. HA! I tole her. I KNOWS I looks Gotholick; acause Gotholicky folks all looks the sa..a... I quitted right there an' jus' tole her to shut up astead. I hates girls.

Today Betsy were plainin' 'bout how come Momma don't puts fresh water in her dish all a time, all a time. So I tole her, well, jus' go git yous self a drink outta the fountain, stuipid. She beed lookin' at me with her face on all crooked, so I sayed, the fountain... you knows... in the bathroom. Ya means the toilet? She axed. Call it whatever fancy name ya wants, I tole her. Leastwise I ain't thirsty an' plainin'. Ya knows what Momma pees an' poops in the toilet, right? She axed, all teacherish. No she don't! She sit downs an' doos criss-cross puzzles is all, I tole her. Then Betsy screamed on me, MOMMA POOPS AN' PEES IN THE HOUSE, GEORGE!! Where has you beed? Now I gots a bad spot in my brains worser than bubblegum sticked in my hair what prawly ain't never gonna go away. I can prawly unnerstans if Momma bees all bareassed 'bout she ain't house-trained too good; but for to poop in the family water fountain? Deesgustin'!

Me an' Scabby Doyle is apposed a be the Three Wisemen for our Sunday School Christmas Becital tonight an' we don't even gits a talk or nothin'. 'Cept for I has beed practicin' in secret, an' when I walks in the barn, I's gonna say: I gots a gift here for Murray the baby. Betsy heared me an' she sayed, it bees a gift a MYRRH for the baby, George. You's so stupid, Mrs. Pearson shoulda maked you a cow astead a the Wiseman. So I tole her, well, you ain't hardly no Blasted Bargain Mary neither, Betsy. All a food you eats 'round here, no wonders what they's always gottsa take a whole wall outta the barn. You prawly shoulda beed a pig astead. Momma gotted to cryin' acause we is takin' the joy outta Christmas; an' she don't wants her childrens bein' cows an' pigs in the manger. So we shutted up then. Neither two of us don't even knows what the heck a manger bees.